I "claim" Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I remember the days when our kids were little and we tried to get to Angus' family and mine since they both live in the same city. It was awful. We were stuffed til we ached and traveling and tired and miserable. We didn't enjoy it or feel grateful. We felt obligated. We did it because we love our families and are grateful for them but we didn't do them or Thanksgiving or God justice by trying to to it all. Isn't that the way it is so often in life?

I have told my 4 sons that I wish to claim Thanksgiving as ours even if it means we will have to give up having them at Christmas. I know that as they marry and move on their return home for holidays will become a time of decisions. I hope they will choose to be with us on Thanksgiving but I will not want them to try to do it all. I'd rather they love us and God and recognize all they've been given no matter where they are or what they are doing.

I want them to know that our focus for Thanksgiving is to be grateful to God for all that he has given every single day. My kids are a huge part of what makes me so thankful for life, but there is so much more.

This morning I read Keith Brenton's Thanksliving weblog and he says it better than I:

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It isn't the food. It isn't the football games. It isn't even the gathering of family (when we can). There's just something inside that wants Thanksgiving to be a year-round, 24/7 thing. I want it to be an ongoing holiday. A moveable feast of gratitude. A lifestyle.

Thanksliving.


Amen, Keith. Amen.

My mowing days pretty much ended when CJ became old enough to take over that job. By then he had 3 younger brothers and I had no time for that chore. Now the big ol' zero turning radius riding mower (man toy) we have is so complicated I don't even have a clue how to run it. It doesn't even have a steering wheel!

Most of our property is wooded or the field but just about every bit of the grassed area is shaded by the many trees we have. I have told Angus that I hope by the time we are elderly we will have so many trees that it appears we live in the middle of a forest. He usually replies with a grumbly "humph" because he and the boys are the ones that have to mow around all those scores of trees. They've killed plenty of them by stripping a circle of bark from the base of the tree as they mow around it but eventually I just plant another one in its place.

So...one day we will be living in the woods and no one will have to mow but for now we rake wherever the leaves lay thick, just to keep them from killing the grass beneath. Yesterday I sent the boys out to do that chore. I had raked a few days earlier so there were a dozen big piles already that needed to be moved to the compost pile.

They grumbled a bit and stalled some ("where are the rakes") but went on out to finish the work. Twenty minutes later I looked out the window to check their progress... just in time to see my 23 year old son flip himself into a pile of leaves. I watched as he and my 17 year old son took a few more jumps before they went back to raking the rest of the yard.

They worked together wonderfully and had obviously worked out a routine. They had found a tarp and drug it around to the many piles of leaves that by now were dotted all over the yard. They raked a pile onto the tarp then drug it to the next one until it was heaped high with the leaves. They dragged the heavy load to my big compost pile and then flipped it all into the pile. Making sure to jump on it a few times "to pack it down" they later told me. ...Right.

It was such a beautiful sight for a mother to see her nearly-grown sons working together, playing together and making the best of life. When they were younger I sometimes wondered if they will ever get along, if they will ever be responsible, if they will ever "act their age". They have always gotten along pretty well but they didn't always enjoy each other's company. Now they do.

So, young parents, Take Heart! All the hard work involved in making the kids do chores when it is easier to do it yourself will eventually pay off. Some day the kids will like each other. They will eventually become the fine young adults that you prayed they would... well, maybe not that perfect but they will come into their own. Have hope... and keep praying.

PS~ I also got to witness a rake handle sword fight and a cell phone thrown into a pile of leaves as a find-the-needle-in-the-haystack and a little brother chase a big brother around a tree. I am still waiting for the "act your age" thing to kick in. ☻

I had a dream last night. AJ is the 6 year old son of my boss. He comes by my desk every morning on his way to his dad’s office and he always pauses to say “Hi”. After school he’s back again. He bursts into the office to tell me where he will be until his Dad is ready to leave. He likes to feed my fish.

In my dream, AJ came to me and told me that he was hurt. I could tell he wasn’t really hurt. It was that kind of hurt where a Mom can kiss it away and I began to explain that to him. I told him how if someone that cared about him would rub it or kiss it or do some other kind of Mommy-magic on his “wound” he would totally forget about the pain. I talked on and on and explained it all to this little child who had come to me with his injury. Then I woke up.

My first thought was “Why hadn’t I just shown him I cared and given him a hug?" I yammered away at him and all he really needed was to know that someone cared and loved him. Love is a verb. ♥

Is that what I do? Do I just talk at people saying pretty things and giving unsolicited advice when all they need is a little love? Is God trying to tell me something? ♥

As I drove to work I thought about the people that have really been there for us lately. Two weeks ago when my father-in-law died it was not a surprise. We have a large family and we gathered immediately. People who knew about wanted to help us. I couldn’t think of anything we needed and said so, but that did not stop people from helping anyway. ♥

Food from our church family was taken into the city and food was brought to our house, too. Flowers were sent and donations made to Hospice. Friends made the trek into the city for the visitation or the funeral. We didn’t really expect that. ♥

Zeke’s ex-girlfriend let him borrow her car so that we wouldn’t have to make the 6 hours drive up to retrieve him. She didn’t have to do it, we didn’t expect her to but she did it anyway. ♥

Every day we get cards in the mail still. An acquaintance brought a basket of muffins on Monday. Today a friend sent another meal, telling me she remembers when her Gramma passed away that it was hard a couple of weeks after when things had settled down and she thought we would need to get together again. I think she is right. ♥

Some nice, well-meaning people have said “I’ll pray for you” but I don’t think they really will. It’s just something nice to say. Am I like that? Do I say “I’ll pray” and then promptly forget about it? Am I too busy to give of myself when needed?

We could have done without the food and the flowers and the cards but the genuine love that moved the giver to action... that we needed! The hugs and prayers… those we needed. ♥

Love is a verb. Yes, it is.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

You knew death was coming and you tried to prepare… but somehow making those decisions while he was still living seemed callous and scared you both… as if to put it off would put off the inevitable that the doctors, for months now, said could happen at any time. “The heart is just worn out” they said. If you thought about it too much or planned for it, might that hasten it somehow? No! Don’t think about it!

Cemetery plots and head stones and funeral homes and lost pensions (he died a day too soon) and the loss of your own social security checks. And do you want a limousine and little memory cards and laminated obituaries? How many people will come and how do we get them here? Hotel rooms or house guests? The airline tickets... the gasoline expense... who will go get them? Lost work time and lost class time and food, food, food for all of the very large family and the many guests. The fee for the church and a stipend for the priest and the singers and the organist and the printing of the funeral order of service. The photos and enlargements and photo frames and the mourning clothes for family; the black suits and ties and belts and shoes for the pall bearers . Thank you notes and postage and … and … and... there is always one more thing to decide, something to pay for, something pressing.

You thought you were prepared, but you had no idea… all the little incidental expenses… All the things to think about when your brain is still numb. Important decisions that must be made with no time to think. Decisions that do not seem important at all but still must also be made. All of these years your role has been the caregiver, the advice giver for all and you are still trying... but you are so tired.

All of the decisions and expenses do not fall to you but you are aware of them and feel burdened by it. You understand that others who care about you have taken on an added burden to keep the weight from you. They are hurting too and you know this but you let them help you because your heart is heavy and your hands are heavy and your mind is dull. You are coping from day to day, from minute to minute.

You are vaguely aware of all the busyness around you. You are in the midst of it but feel as if everyone is a blur around you and you sit alone. You feel alone with all the people around you. Your children and grandchildren are here by your side every minute but he isn’t here. You feel so alone and you say so. We all stop in mid-sentence, in mid-step, and pause. We are stunned. Suddenly we recognize the truth in your words and we weep in our hearts. We know it is true and that our arms around you and our words of love cannot replace those of the man who was at your side for 60 years.

It is as if you are being pummeled when you have already fallen to your knees and begged for mercy. Your friends and family are here in the circle with you trying to hold back the beating, taking many of the blows, but it is not enough. You will have to gather your strength… You will look over and see God in your corner and it will give you hope and you will rise to your feet again. We will cheer and hold you up and the weight will be shared by all of us. You will realize, we will realize, that together we can endure it.

My father-in-law died at home on Halloween. He was surrounded by loved ones and went peacefully. A few observations and more later when my head is clearer:

1) If you call a funeral home on Halloween and ask them to come get the body they think it is a Halloween prank.

2) You never really know how much you are loved until you are gone.

3) When you think you can't hold up, you can... if there are enough caring people around you to hold you up.

4) Those caring people always show up supporting you in small ways that you never thought were important, but they are. The smallest acts of kindness are magnified.

5) Laughter is great medicine.

6) It is very expensive to die in the USA.

7) Cardiac Hospice Care is a beautiful thing.