It was one of those fleeting moments where everything comes together and life feels perfect and you know it won’t last so you soak it in and let it fill you.

I glanced over at Angus grilling fat juicy burgers and noticed a squirrel ransacking the Mulberry tree behind him. It stopped now and then to scold Miss SuzyQ as she carefully watched his every move from below. Eventually she gave up the hopeless waiting game and took her place beside me on the deck. I sat rocking in a slow rhythm, occasionally taking a sip of wine as the sun just dipped below the trees.

The rocking chair had been a Mother’s Day gift a few years ago. The boys had gone together and bought it, knowing my love for sitting on the deck observing, reading and just enjoying. They have memories of me rocking them sleep at night, reading or singing our own made-up lyrics to “Mockingbird“. “If that mockingbird won‘t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a squishy thing. If that squishy thing gets flat, Mama’s gonna buy you a brand new hat (or cat… or rat).” Oh, they loved that song! It changed every time we sang it and it never failed to quiet a sad little boy. Eventually the old rocking chair with teething marks on its arms symbolized “bedtime” and they wanted nothing to do with it. Now, a different rocking chair, a different purpose but it still brings me closer to the boys when I think about it.

Captain Jack lay quietly beside me taking it all in with me. Now and then I would drop my hand down and rub his cheek. He’d squint and lean into it with gratitude and barely notice when his sister joined us. He was once a bold, brave tomcat who wanted nothing more than to escape the domestic life.
One time he was gone overnight and came back with his eye swollen shut. He had a worbal in his eye that the vet removed and said he’d have gotten the maggot-like parasite from sticking his head in a rabbit hole. A few days later, feeling better, he disappeared again for three days. When he came back he was a changed cat. Frightened of everything. So jumpy that the boys couldn’t resist surprising him whenever they got the chance and laughing hysterically when he jumped a foot straight in the air. He has since settled down to be our homeboy, seldom venturing more than a few yards from the house. He has lost his lust for adventure.

The aroma of the hickory smoke and the seared meat was making me hungry. Brutus lay on the grass near the grill, his head up but careful not to look in the direction of the fabulous smells that were wafting his way. Such a greatly disciplined dog he is! He is a black lab we inherited when my brother moved from his house with a little fenced back yard to a house on a golf course. He has been a great addition to our family and loves the country life. He loves the woods out back and comes home grinning and covered with ticks. He is gone more than he is here, roaming with the coyotes, I wonder? But this evening he has joined us and I am glad for it.

The birds are active on this cool evening, flitting from tree to tree, they give out happy chirps different than their morning singing. They must be wearier now but still hopeful to fill those little birdie-bellies back at the nest. I watch to see if I can locate a nest but give up and turn my attention to my chickens wandering about the yard.

They have found something yummy up near the road and scratched the mulch away from the flower beds to get at the something hidden beneath. They stay together as they meander along the driveway and back into the yard. One of the hens is a straggler, attentive to some grub hidden in the grass. She suddenly notices they’ve left without her and she runs to catch up. She lifts her skirts and wobble-runs toward the others.

I knew we’d be eating on the back deck in a few minutes, taking advantage of the mild weather that we both knew would not last. It would be just Angus and me, the boys having all gone off with friends tonight for sand volleyball. I am thinking about how nice it is to have this quiet dinner at home with Angus. We’ve had so little alone time over the years but we are transitioning. I wonder, in a year or two when all the boys have gone and only come home sporadically, will we still cherish these quiet evenings alone?

It was a lovely, quiet meal. We talked and smiled and as we cleaned up afterwards, the house filled with young people again and the fridge door opened and laughter flowed. Someone flipped on the TV and we all sat jumbled together watching “Shrek“ because that was what was on. There were too many for the seating but no one cared. They crunched together, they sat on the floor and chuckled at the silly jokes. I noticed the look of contentment that had settled over Angus as he sat comfortably among them and I felt the same.

Life is so good.

It was one of those miserable, wintry afternoons you just want to be lazy; glad you are indoors. Kev had flipped the channels of the TV 'til he found "The Bridge Over the River Kwai". Beau parked beside him. I wandered in, too, and settled into the big chair, SuzeeQ jumping into my lap. The woodstove had us cozy and warm. We had all seen the classic old WWII Prisoner of War movie (a true & fascinating story) many times but that fact just added to the comfortableness.

"Hey, the Japanese colonel is the same guy as the pirate in "The Swiss family Robinson", Kev stated proud of the discovery. Beau and I weren't sure. Kev disappeared into the basement and reappeared a few minutes later holding our ancient video tape of the old movie that had been a favorite of the boys so many years ago. He checked the info for the River Kwai movie on TV against the back of the video box for Swiss Family and proved he was right. Sessue Hayakawa had played both roles. In fact, both movies were made the same year, 1957. Good eye!

Suddenly, the old video was popped in and we were watching the Robinson's adventure once again...this time through the eyes of adults. As we watched we noticed things we had never noticed in the dozens of times we had seen it before. Like Kev said, "It would take them fifteen years to build a tree house like that with the tools they had." ...and how about that giant pit they dug to hold the tiger...imagine how deep and wide that would have been! Looking at it through the jaded eyes of adulthood we saw that it was, indeed, a fantasy...but when you are a child it seems so possible! It is the hope and love and passion for life and each other that give it the feel of realism... those parts were true and honest.

We remembered, we pointed out our favorite parts of the movie, we shared our favorite characters, we talked about the funny parts, we commented all through it...afterall we'd seen it many times so no need for shuushing. Our afternoon was peppered with "Oh, I remember this" and "I love this part". There was the recognition of brotherly rivalry mixed with brotherly love and loyalty. There was also singing.."O Christmas Tree" only Beaus sang it in German since he is a student of the language. "O Tannenbaum"

It was a beautiful afternoon that some might considered wasted and unproductive. They would be so wrong! Any time you have an opportunity to spend time with your almost-grown children, wallowing in memories and remembering the joys of their childhood you should snap up that chance and never regret it for an instant!

~~~~~Moments from the movie that I hadn't noticed before:

Father: First thing we've got to do is to unload the raft. Then, put up some sort of shelter for the night.
Mother: No. That's not the first thing.
{Then they all have knowing looks of agreement on their faces and kneel together in prayer.}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father: Don't you sometimes feel that this is the kind of life we were meant to live on this earth? Everything we need, everything, right here, right at our fingertips. You know, if only people could have all this and be satisfied, I don't think there'd be any real problems in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father (upon discovering that mother is willing to stay on the island after they are rescued):
It's amazing how unimportant things are when they isn't anyone around feeling sorry for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AMEN!

I can't get that scene out of my mind. ...The one from "Grey's Anatomy" Sunday evening. I do that with movies a lot; there are scenes that I can't get out of my head and I analyze it and replay it until I can make sense of it. It's why I don't watch horror movies and it's why I don't watch "ER" anymore. When TV drama leaves one with a sick feeling then why watch it? I could even tell you the episode that caused me to stop watching "ER", that left me so disturbed, but that's another story and I am talking about "Grey's Anatomy" right now.

Here's what happened. There had been a horrible train wreck. Most of the victims had died in the crash and the hospital was all-hands-on-deck for all of the trauma victims being brought in with horrible injuries like amputations and burns. There was one pair, strangers until this incident, that had a long pole that had impaled them and pinned them close together , face to face. They were both conscious and in some discomfort but no pain (shock, our body's response to "This pain would be too much for you too endure."?)

The victims were joking with one another & the staff, trying to make the best of the situation, as their predicament was being evaluated ("does anyone have a breath mint? & "my wife would be jealous of me being this close to another woman but today I think I'll get a pass") The man's wife and the woman's fiance were on their way, flying in, but bad weather wa keeping them from arrival.

The surgical team examined their x-rays to see what kind of internal injuries there were and discovered that both were in deep trouble with sever internal injuries. If the pole were removed both would surely die, bleed out before the surgery team could even get them on the table. Someone suggested that if a person were removed form the pole, instead of vice versa, the other person would have a chance as they could then work on the one impaled person as they removed the pole...I guess. The woman's injuries were so severe, being to the heart, that it was belived there was no chance for her. There was a brief argument that her injuries, being more severe, should be the one saved, in the hopes that he might be able to survive the removal if they worked quickly enough. After discovering that she had no feeling in her toes that she was not goin to survive no matter what they did and that she should be the one removed. The surgical team went in to tell the patients the situation.

They were kind and caring and obviously saddened. Both patients were stunned. He was horrified and demanded that they take him instead, but the doctors explained that then they would lose them both. It was so unfair, he said. Oh, she was so brave! She said it would not be fair either way. She understood the situation. There was some more converstion...about what to tell her fiance. She asked Tom if he believed in heaven, by now she was leaning heavily on him, laying her head on his shoulder, and he said confidently "Yes". He asked if she did, she answered "I want to".