There are days when I am driving down and up and over these country roads on the way to work I feel as if I am driving right through a country calendar; the scenes are so beautiful!  This week there was a thick blanket of snow and all the tree branches had been sugar-frosted by the fog.  It was so beautiful it seemed surreal in the soft colors of a dawn sky.  Yesterday, fog again but the sun was trying to break through it!  Every day it is a new painting, sometimes with animals wandering or flying through, often frost or fog or sunshine or an awesomely spectacular sky.  I am so blessed to start my day like this!  Thank you, Father God!

Angus called on his way home from work at 9 a.m. "I think I'm going to golf this morning."
"Oh, yeah? You goin' alone?" says me, knowing his golfing buddy is still out of town.
"Probably... unless you want to come. (pause) ....I'll get a golf cart. You can drive."

You need to understand, when Angus golfs he speed walks. For him it is not only about golf but about exercise, too. I went out with him a couple of times last year, just keeping him company, tagging along. I could not keep up, he walks so fast. I really tried to be tough and not show that my calves were on fire and I was panting as quietly as I could but finally I told him "Hey, you're killin' me." and he slowed down to a normal fast pace which was till a lot of exercise.

Today, when he offered the golf cart I knew he really did want me to come, so I went. Why not? I said I wanted to walk it, I'd been walking with the dog lately so felt up to the challenge When he saw me slip on my flip-flops he said "Are you going to wear those?" Man-speak for "Are you nuts?" "Yeah, I walk in these all the time." Woman-speak for "You can't tell me what to do."

It had rained earlier in the morning and the air was still heavy with humidity but the sky was overcast and there was a slight breeze. We begin the trek to the first hole. Before we had gone past the 2nd hole I had a blister on my left foot. Instead of being miserable for the next 6 holes I just slipped off my flips and Angus slid them wordlessly into a pocket on his cart.

Suddenly walking on a lush, thick green carpet. It was cool and slightly moist under my feet as I walked beside my husband in the peace of the late morning. I wondered if anyone else had ever walked this place barefoot and experienced the soft joy I was feeling. It occurred to me that here I was standing in a little piece of grassy heaven and no one was appreciating it in quite the way I was. By standing barefoot on it I was somehow a part of the environment I was in and I saw things differently than I'd have otherwise. I spotted a deer track near a marsh. I noticed the places where clover was trying to intrude. I felt the sun slip in and out between the clouds and I caught the breeze gently lift my hair ever so slightly. It occurred to me that a golf course is a part of nature, however manicured it may be, beauty is everywhere!

I am so glad I did not miss out on that opportunity so feel closer to Angus, nature and God.

One bird chirps outside my window. One bird in the dark. He chirps again, proud to be the one who calls forth the morning. A gentle breeze filters through the screen and as it brushes over me I arise. I close the window and lower the shades so Angus will sleep another few hours after working through much of the night.

I don’t want to miss a moment of the awakening world so I hurry, grab my robe and tiptoe down the stairs. Not wanting to invade my world with artificial light, I maneuver easily through the darkness to the kitchen. The numerals shine at me from the microwave clock, 5:55. By the glow I choose a mug, the one Zeke brought me back from the Petrified Forest, fill it with yesterday’s coffee and zap it for 50 seconds. It is stuffy in the house and I am impatient to get outside. I open the back door and step into the place between night and morning.

My wake-up bird is still calling, singing out his joy. I hear “This is the day the Lord hath made!” in his four little notes and my mind sings the answering “Let us rejoice and be glad in it!” The chairs are still stored for winter so I sit cross-legged on the deck, facing the woods beyond and listen to the world wake up. The silhouettes of the trees stand out against the gray sky. Another bird sings out from the Hackberry tree beside me and the duet begins.

There is a refreshing breeze and it plays with the little dragonfly chimes and sprinkles tinkling notes as more birds begin to join the chorus. Now and then the breeze picks up and the bamboo chimes chunk its bass tones into the melody. An owl barks out a single “hoot” and a turkey “gobbles” every few bars. He must’ve been roosting in the trees out back and knowing this sends a wave of pleasure through me.

I notice the tops of the trees waving their arms to the morning music. The sky is already lightening into a pale gray and I can make out the lovely white branches of the sycamore by the creek. There is still no color in the dawning sky so the Red Bud, in full bloom looks as if it has been swallowed by a cloud. The slender branches of the Maple sway gently and even the knobby, angled branches of the Hickory dance.

The breeze is growing stronger, probably bringing with it the rain predicted later in the day. The chimes become a frenzy of tinkles and clunking and the birds are a full choir now. A squirrel chatters at me and urges me to get on with my day. I reluctantly stand, my mug now empty but my heart is full. I have been gladdened and feel grateful for life. Today I start my day with joy.

My "baby" sister, Pete, is 14 years younger than I. When I was off to college she would save her pie crust in a tupperware in the fridge, because I loved pie crust. Of course, I didn't love old stale pie crust all by itself but... guess what? When I'd come home she'd run to me, excitedly carrying that little square dish with the treasure inside! So pleased was she with her offering that what could I do but sit and gag it down pretending to love every bite? That's how much I love her.

Last night I dreamed that Pete had died and I was dealing with it well when suddenly it came to me how she is the glue that holds our family together. There are five of us "kids" and my parents and 16 neices and nephews and at least 6 great-neices and newphews by now in our family. It occurred to me how she is the one who calls when someone is in the hospital, she is the one who shoots out the newsy emails, she is the one who pulls together the family get-togethers and sets in motion the big events. I also suddenly realized ( all this in a dream!) how very much I would miss her if she were gone. That's when I suddenly couldn't breathe and that woke me..

I woke and started breathing again, realizing it had been a dream and recognizing that I had dreamed this before but not remembered. In the confusion of waking, with taht ache still in my heart, I wondered if I had dreamed it because it had really happened and for a few moments, trying to wake up, trying to remember, I came to the conclusion that she is fine and dandy living with her young family in the city. Oh, but those few moments...

I thought about my friend, El, who has those dreams about her son and wakes with that fuzz, hoping it was just a dream, only to conclude that it is her new reality. The death of Dane is real. I sent up another prayer for his family.

I thought about how very much I love Pete, and how I take that so for granted. I thought about how death can snatch any of us away in an instant. Who else do I love don't even think about it? There are so many!

I'll call my sister, Pete, today. By the way, I'm the only one who calls her Pete and she loves me enough to like that (I think). I'll tell her that I notice all she does and I'll tell her that I love her.

I awoke to the sound of chirping outside my window.  I couldn't resist opening my eyes to see what this mysterious bird could be, so happy on this first really cold day of November.  Within my view was one fat fellow cheerily pulling dried hackberries from the branches.  Grabbing my glasses and raising myself higher I found that it was a robin and there were several more of his companions doing the same.  The surrounding trees were full of singing robins, no doubt thrilled to find such bounty when most food sources appear to be gone.  The sharp wind was blowing their feathers inside-out but they didn't seem to mind as they cheerily filled their bellies before they continued their flight south.

I smiled and reminded myself that it is time to take down the hummingbird feeders and hang the bird feeders.  What a great way to begin the day opening one's eyes to the simple joys of the world.  It would go on to be a very good day.

~This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.~

I am sitting here in the sunshine on this first day of June. It's humid and the sweat drips off my forehead onto my notebook. My hands are glistening with perspiration but, well... it feels good... the heat. It's been a long cold spring.

It's like when the kids come trundling into the house from college laden with dirty laundry and dragging guitars and amps and cords all of which get dropped in the living room. Yet they also bring laughter and music and joy back into our quiet home. It is all good.

It feels like that, this coming of summer. And just as I am so glad for the kids to come home again I am also glad for their leaving in the fall even as I feel the regret of the lonelier months to come.

Everything changes. But life is still good.

It was one of those perfect Autumn days. The was day sunny and warm but there was a crispness in the air and a cool breeze. The sun had already dropped below the horizon but the sky was filled with soft colors as we stood for the national anthem at Beau's soccer game. The American flag waved gently against the peach sky as the soccer announcer began to sing. "Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light?.." His strong, heavenly voice melted into the beautiful scene before us.

I was taking it all in, feeling grateful we are fortunate enough to have such a beautiful voice lead us. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of children laughing. Perhaps it was coming from the playground of the school across the road and behind us. It grew louder and I realized it was the sound of honking geese... and then they flew into view. They flew in their V-formation, singing along with us, across the sky and toward the flag, through the pastel sky, above the silhouetted trees. It was an image that will stay with me forever.... a perfectly God-painted moment.

The soccer boys later made jokes about how the Chiefs get Blue Angel fly-bys at their games and we Canada Geese.

Ours was better. ☺

I am so fortunate to start my work day with a drive through three miles of desolate country roads. I am constantly being surprised by the simple beauty in this common everyday world. I think most people just see dust and weeds and trees that have grown too far over the road.

There's the isolated corner were people sometimes come to dump their old sofas and trash they don't want to pay to have hauled off. I guess that's pretty much what I notice on my way home, too. In fact a lot of times I'll even take the longer route going home just to avoid the gravel.

I am not sure why I am still surprised by the what I find around the curves and over the hills every morning. The landscape itself doesn't change; fields and woods, a creek crossing, a pond, an old abandoned house... and gravel. But the look of it is constantly changing.

In Autumn leaves change color gradually, deepening and finally dropping and leaving their lovely litter to pile and blow across the gravel. It is a new experience daily.

Winter days are often dull but the mornings are always frosted. That which I hate on my windshield is beautiful on branches, grass stems, seed pods and vines. There is nothing as lovely as ice on the fences and snow changes everything with its soft pure blanket covering the dust. Often the rising sun shines through the morning sky making the frost, ice or snow sparkle.

Spring is washed afresh with the rains and the gray turns green with bud and leaves. Piles of fluffy white wild flowers grow and reach out as I drive by changing to Black-eyed Susans and blue Chicory as Spring grows into summer.

There is often fog at any time of year and it is always magical as passing through a soft dream.

I see deer regularly but am always fascinated. Turkeys are also regular visitors, sometimes singly but usually in flocks. One time I startled a turkey who was starting to wander across the road as I came over a hill. He lifted his hulking body into the air and flew over the hood of my car and up into a tree on the other side of the road. I wondered if his heart stopped for that moment as mine did!

I have only touched the surface of the beauty I get to enjoy every day. I try to use my drive time to reflect on the blessings around me. I try to use it to put me in a place where I can pass that joy and contentment on later in the day. I usually forget it though... until the next day when I am once again reminded of God's gifts that surround us and we don't recognize them.

I am so thankful that he gives me another chance, every single day, no matter how badly I messed up the day before, no matter how much I disappointed him, he gives me a new start every morning. I think God has faith in me. Sometimes that's what keeps me going.

He has faith in you, too.

I woke and the alarm clock glowed 5:22.... too early to get up. I almost rolled over and went back to sleep when I remembered the Perseid Meteor Shower. It was supposed to peak at 4:30 a.m. I thought maybe if I got up I could still catch a bit of it.

The debate in my mind, whether it was worth getting up for, actually awakened me so I did get up. I grabbed a blanket to lay on and stepped outside. It was still so humid but surprisingly cool so I grabbed another blanket to cover up with.

I laid down and gazed up at the darkened sky. There were some streaks of clouds and the sky had already lightened enough that not a lot of stars were visible, but I was comfy and it is always amazing to stare into the night sky so I stayed.

I stared into the sky and thought about all the zillions of stars up there. I knew there were also meteors out there whizzing past the earth, too. But I couldn’t see them. As many as 80 per hour at peak the newsperson had said. Even at half that I should be seeing some… and then I did.

It was so quick but it was there and I saw it. I thought what a beautiful miracle it was. I remembered the time Angus and I were young and had been driving home late one night from the city. We caught a meteor shower through the windshield and we hadn’t known it was going on so it caught us by surprise. Some were quick and short but others were bright and had long trails across the black sky. We delighted and pointed, “Oh! Look at that one! Did you see that one?“ It just kept on and on, one after the other. We were so amazed and grateful… but after awhile we just stopped paying attention, even as they continued to streak through the sky.

Isn’t that how it is with God’s wonderful miracles? Like the stars, they are out there all the time. Constantly surrounding us but not always visible. Most of the time we don’t even notice because we see them so often we don’t even think of them as miracles any more.

The mosquitoes were buzzing me by then. The first high-pitched singer started buzzing me soon after I’d laid down, so I had covered myself neck to toe with the blanket and waved it away if it came in too close. After I saw my “shooting star” I quit watching. I rolled over and covered my head, too.

I had seen a meteor and I thought I would just lay there and listen to the world awaken. The crickets made beautiful background music for my soprano mosquito. Soon an alto joined her and then another. I honestly did not know that mosquitoes sound different but these three definitely all had their own individual songs. I didn’t enjoy it though and I jumped up, grabbed the blankets (flinging my glasses somewhere beyond onto the lawn) and ran back into the house.

While I was crawling around in the grass feeling for my glasses, I thought about how distracted we get from all that God has to offer us… all of his plans for us, too. Or we just flat out ignore them because it is hot under the blanket and we don’t like what’s going on around us any way. So we split. Take the easy way and miss the opportunities. We wander around blindly until daylight comes and we see a glint in the grass and we can see again but only because we searched!

...Okay, I’ll quit. I just get like this sometimes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not there yet...

I sat down by the seawall watching the sun rise. Angus and I had been at The Lake of the Ozarks for two days. Our hosts, my brother and sister-in-law had headed back home the evening before and we had the large lake house to ourselves for a few days.
I was content and happysitting in the quiet morning light, trying not to notice the hulking frame of concrete and steel rising off to the Southeast. We are on Ship’s Point. The point just to the East of this one… the one that this house faces, has always left us with a beautiful view of a lovely, grassy point with small trees… no house, no people, not even a dock.

The original house had burnt down over 40 years ago, leaving only the brick chimney standing, and nothing had ever been rebuilt. “Chimney Point”. Years ago the “For Sale” sign went up but the asking price was high so it remained the same year after year. Several years ago it finally sold. The rumor was condos. And sure enough we began to notice changes when we went down. A sea wall was built. Trees were bulldozed and the grasses scraped away. Construction began a building was erected. Now, this year, the condo is taking shape.

In only a few more minutes I knew that the clanking, groaning and grinding of the heavy equipment would break the silence. The banging and shouting of the workers would begin and last ‘til 4 pm when the construction crew would leave the giant steel skeleton behind as they crawl into their pickups weary from their hard work in the July heat.

I was drinking my coffee, watching the sun appear above the mist and later disappear into the clouds. Enjoying the peace and the solitude. Not wanting to think about the changes to this peaceful point once the condo is finished.

It occurred to me that it was Thursday and that Jetty Betty would be writing her “Thursday Thanksgivings” and finding wonderful things to be thankful for even in the midst of whatever turmoil and disappointment is in her life. She’d be looking at the good side of things. I started thinking about all the good in my life. I starting thinking about all the good times we’ve had down here over the last 29 years with friends and family.

Angus and I took long weekends in the incredible peace and solitude of the lake house in winter. Reading and watching the view and the rare speedboat pass by the picture windows. We cooked elaborate meals, ate slowly and did the dishes side by side. We were undisturbed by the temptations of TV and computers and telephones. The decisions were whether to put on Eric Clapton or Jimmie Spheeris as we sat by the fire in the evenings dreamily watching the flames and sipping a glass of wine.

We’d go to bed early and sleep late. And because it was The Lake House it was especially romantic… like a fancy secluded resort, yet as familiar as home.

When the kids were little we spent a Fourth of July watching the fireworks put on at the Four Seasons Resort across the Lake. We had a perfect view from our lawn chairs by the water and we didn’t even have to be a part of the flotilla of boats out there watching, too. The kids giggled as they drew golden circles in the black night with their sparklers and after the fireworks they watched to boats pull away one by one.

One year Angus’ family decided to have Thanksgiving at The Lake. We all sat together at the long Ponderosa-style table laughing and enjoying one another. No late arrivals or fast escapes... just acceptance.

The Lake is where I first really got to know Angus’ family. What’s to do but talk as you sunbathe and watch the kids, cooking and eating together? It’s where I first learned of the Mc’s “10 O’clock Rule“. The men would get up early to fish and do any yard work before the summer heat set in. They’d keep an eye on the time for at 10:00 a.m. it is okay to have your first beer of the day. I don’t know who made the rule; it preceded my entry into the family.

The boys floated in life jackets in the waves from the passing boats pretending they were in the ocean while we mamas laid in the sun on the rocking dock. They picked wild flowers along the gravel road. In later years they jumped off the roof of the dock into the deep water. They jet skied in the cove ‘til their legs ached. They’ve blown leaves with the powerful backpack leaf blowers onto a tarp to be pulled to the water’s edge and dumped, jumping into the ice cold water to cool off and to prove they were men.

They caught lightening bugs with their cousins who are grown now. They caught fish with their grandfather who is gone now.

Everything changes.

I contemplated the sunrise and my memories, feeling both happiness for the beautiful past and regret for what never will be again. The looming mass of condo reminded me that change is always coming and a lot of times it is out of our control, it‘s not what we want... But life goes on.

It made me value the “right now” a little bit more, appreciate the past a lot more and look forward to whatever happens next with hope. The unpredictability of life is what makes it both scary and fascinating. It makes us work harder, dream bigger and love better. It pops us out of our ruts and into the sunshine or into the mud.

This day, I’m in the sunshine and will take advantage of today. I know the mud is there waiting to pull me down so I’ll look up… trust God to get me through it when the time comes.

Life is good… and I believe that with all my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy.”
~Milton Erickson, M.D.

I have green feet today. I was mowing the area in front of the house with the push mower this morning. It has become my job because the males in the family conveniently can’t tell grass from the shoots of tulips, grape hyacinth, daffodils and other spring beauties so I just took over that chore years ago. I kind of like doing it anyway… a bit of sweaty work makes me feel tough and part of the “crew“ in this testosterone-heavy family.

It was only mid-morning but already humid and the grass was still wet from the morning dew in some places. As I pushed up an incline I had the feeling that my feet could slip right out from under me. I visualized klutzy-me slipping to the ground, and the mower rolling back over my hand. (yeah, I know, but I can’t help it) So I kicked off my flip-flops thinking I could get a better grip with my bare feet.

Suddenly everything changed. The grass was cool despite the heat in the air. It was a fresh, soft carpet under my feet even as I continued the effort. The chore suddenly became pleasant. I moved the mower along the coiled path and a memory came to me. I recalled my brothers and sister and I trailing, barefoot, behind my Daddy as he mowed our yard. Our goal was nothing other than to get green feet and spend precious time with Daddy on his day off. We were silly, giggling Green-footed Ducklings, happy with life, living in the small joys of the moment. We never grew tired of the green foot parade.

Sometimes we just need to put aside the work and weariness and, without a care, just follow our Father for a awhile. Notice only the joy of the moment before we move on to the pressing matters.

Thank you, God, for transporting me today to an old place of happiness and reminding me that, even in the tedious times, you are there waiting to lead me. Thank you for my green feet today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PS~
I was going to post a photo of my green feet... but they weren't as lovely as I remember thembeing as a child. ;) Pamela pointed me to this photo which will enlighten you who have never had the green-foot experience.

It was one of those fleeting moments where everything comes together and life feels perfect and you know it won’t last so you soak it in and let it fill you.

I glanced over at Angus grilling fat juicy burgers and noticed a squirrel ransacking the Mulberry tree behind him. It stopped now and then to scold Miss SuzyQ as she carefully watched his every move from below. Eventually she gave up the hopeless waiting game and took her place beside me on the deck. I sat rocking in a slow rhythm, occasionally taking a sip of wine as the sun just dipped below the trees.

The rocking chair had been a Mother’s Day gift a few years ago. The boys had gone together and bought it, knowing my love for sitting on the deck observing, reading and just enjoying. They have memories of me rocking them sleep at night, reading or singing our own made-up lyrics to “Mockingbird“. “If that mockingbird won‘t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a squishy thing. If that squishy thing gets flat, Mama’s gonna buy you a brand new hat (or cat… or rat).” Oh, they loved that song! It changed every time we sang it and it never failed to quiet a sad little boy. Eventually the old rocking chair with teething marks on its arms symbolized “bedtime” and they wanted nothing to do with it. Now, a different rocking chair, a different purpose but it still brings me closer to the boys when I think about it.

Captain Jack lay quietly beside me taking it all in with me. Now and then I would drop my hand down and rub his cheek. He’d squint and lean into it with gratitude and barely notice when his sister joined us. He was once a bold, brave tomcat who wanted nothing more than to escape the domestic life.
One time he was gone overnight and came back with his eye swollen shut. He had a worbal in his eye that the vet removed and said he’d have gotten the maggot-like parasite from sticking his head in a rabbit hole. A few days later, feeling better, he disappeared again for three days. When he came back he was a changed cat. Frightened of everything. So jumpy that the boys couldn’t resist surprising him whenever they got the chance and laughing hysterically when he jumped a foot straight in the air. He has since settled down to be our homeboy, seldom venturing more than a few yards from the house. He has lost his lust for adventure.

The aroma of the hickory smoke and the seared meat was making me hungry. Brutus lay on the grass near the grill, his head up but careful not to look in the direction of the fabulous smells that were wafting his way. Such a greatly disciplined dog he is! He is a black lab we inherited when my brother moved from his house with a little fenced back yard to a house on a golf course. He has been a great addition to our family and loves the country life. He loves the woods out back and comes home grinning and covered with ticks. He is gone more than he is here, roaming with the coyotes, I wonder? But this evening he has joined us and I am glad for it.

The birds are active on this cool evening, flitting from tree to tree, they give out happy chirps different than their morning singing. They must be wearier now but still hopeful to fill those little birdie-bellies back at the nest. I watch to see if I can locate a nest but give up and turn my attention to my chickens wandering about the yard.

They have found something yummy up near the road and scratched the mulch away from the flower beds to get at the something hidden beneath. They stay together as they meander along the driveway and back into the yard. One of the hens is a straggler, attentive to some grub hidden in the grass. She suddenly notices they’ve left without her and she runs to catch up. She lifts her skirts and wobble-runs toward the others.

I knew we’d be eating on the back deck in a few minutes, taking advantage of the mild weather that we both knew would not last. It would be just Angus and me, the boys having all gone off with friends tonight for sand volleyball. I am thinking about how nice it is to have this quiet dinner at home with Angus. We’ve had so little alone time over the years but we are transitioning. I wonder, in a year or two when all the boys have gone and only come home sporadically, will we still cherish these quiet evenings alone?

It was a lovely, quiet meal. We talked and smiled and as we cleaned up afterwards, the house filled with young people again and the fridge door opened and laughter flowed. Someone flipped on the TV and we all sat jumbled together watching “Shrek“ because that was what was on. There were too many for the seating but no one cared. They crunched together, they sat on the floor and chuckled at the silly jokes. I noticed the look of contentment that had settled over Angus as he sat comfortably among them and I felt the same.

Life is so good.

It’s amazing what a
handful of dewy wild blackberries
discovered
quite unintentionally on a
cool June morning walk
can do for the
troubled soul.

Bitter, sweet juice on my tongue
purple-stained hand;
cleansed thoughts.

For the Ones Who've Survived: I've resurrected this from the not so ancient past because I can't write anything better today than what I was feeling then. In honor of Memorial Day and the ones who came back but now have to live with it.

Dear Marine,
It's September here in Missouri, still hot but with a hint of Autumn in the air today. I walked out to get the mail this afternoon and couldn't resist the hammock in the shade of the peach tree on the trip back to the house. I laid across it, just for a few minutes, as I sorted through today's bills and flyers. There was a sweet thank you note from a friend who had left for college for the first time only 3 weeks ago. I recognized her big round letters and smiled before I even opened it, knowing that the small package I had sent had brought a tiny moment of joy into her exciting, new and homesick world. Then my thoughts turned to you, my faraway friend.

I remember the first time you went off to Iraq. You had no idea what to expect. I barely knew you then except through your mom. She was so upset when you enlisted but she also recognized that you had been having difficulty finding your place in life and prayed that the Marines would fill the hunger in you. You were so young and fresh and eager then.

I talked to your mom for a long time the other night. She didn't cry this time. You have just deployed for your third tour of Iraq. The fear inside her still fills her up for she, too, has lost her innocence. But she has had to learn to trust you and your instincts and your comrades... and God. There were times when I didn't think she would survive Iraq but she is a survivor. You get that from her.

As I lay in the hammock with that hint of late summer in the air...a few lone cicadas buzzing their constant circular song with a gentle breeze rustling the pages in my lap, I remember that you are over there. I send up a silent prayer, as I do every time you cross my mind, and wonder how you are faring. Your mom told me how, when you phoned last week, you told her about the new guys who jumped at the sound of mortars each time and were astounded at you guys who never even flinched. She chuckled.

Once upon a time the mortars frightened you something awful but you learned that most of them don't hit anyone. One time one hit right near you and your buddy and you never even blinked, you'd become so accustomed to them and perhaps to death, too, by then. But then you realized after that... your hands were shaking. Yes, Marine, you are still alive, amazingly and gratefully, still alive.

So, you are probably one of the old men in your unit this time, at 22 isn't it? Respected for your battle scars perhaps, even though they can't be seen. Are you able to sleep yet, friend? Do the nightmares still come? Can you put them aside and rest? Can you be a leader and a role model to these young men that look up to you and teach them the battle skills that they will need to survive the horror they will see out there?

The weight is heavy. I know that most of your buddies didn't survive the 2nd tour. I know that some of those that did are out now and that it was hard for you to see them escape, even as you rejoiced for them. I know that the memories haunt you. But I also know how strong you have become and how beautiful you still are. When you get through this next journey you will have learned some things that some people, most people, never know.

You will know how to rejoice in every day and in every person around you for you know how fragile life is. You won't take anything or anyone for granted the way the rest of us often do. You will have learned that human beings are capable of things that we can't imagine, both great and horrible. You will know that one can survive anything as long as there is hope. You will learn to hope again. You will learn to push aside the most awful of things your memory tries to show you but you will retain it in the back of your mind to make you into a kinder more aware person. You will have learned to trust God in all things and give your burdens to him.

It was a beautiful day here. My prayer for you today is that you find a small piece of beauty out there and share it with someone else.

Go with God.

They left without Zeke.

Our church put together a Mission Trip down to Abbeville, Louisisana for our college kids to help with the continuing need with hurricane relief down in that area. Zeke, Kevin & I went last year when we made a similar journey to Gautier, Mississippi. It was a life-changing experience for me so when I heard about this trip, with these kids that have known each other for years, some since preschool, I knew it would be a beautiful experience for them. ...only Zeke didn't get to go.

Last Sunday, a week ago today he broke his wrist. He's only been home a week and was already enjoying all the thing he's missed. He had set up a little sound booth in the basement so he could really get into his music making, he'd signed onto an indoor soccer league and a sand volleyball team, there were pick-up games, too, of soccer and ultimate frisbee. He was looking for a summer job.

But that's all changed now. It was at the end of his first indoor soccer game when he and an opponent collided and they both went down. He said he heard it crack. They gave him a bag of ice and he joined us a Gramma's where we were all celebrating Uncle Tim's birthday. (Kevin and Beau had are both on the team, too, so he didn't have to drive himself.) Everyone looked at it all swolen and there was debate whether it was just a sprain or a break and whether to wait 'til tomorrow and go to the Dr. or to go the the Emergency Room tonight.

I wasn't letting him spend the night in pain for nothing so after everyone had their say and had eaten I took him to the ER. They showed us the x-ray and it (scaphoid bone) was clearly displaced. They sent him home with a weird little temporary "thumb cast", a pain killer, a nice new ice bag and an appointment with a Hand Specialist the next day.

Surgery was Tuesday with a screw in the bone and a couple of pins for the torn ligaments (everyone was right! It was a break AND a sprain). The surgery went well although we were left with the warning that this bone is always a "problematic" break that has difficulty healing. It has to do with blood flow to the bone. But they got to it quickly, his bones are young and strong and he left us with a feeling of hope that Zeke's injury would be the exception and would heal quickly.

So ... he's been taking it really well. But yesterday was rough. The kids all left for the trip, including his best friend, Bella, and his brother, Kevin. Later, someone called to see if he was playing Volleyball last night. I think he is tired of keeping up the smile. His hand is still swolen and he still can't move his fingers and it still hurts.

I think he is weary of being brave. Yesterday I went to check on him and found him wearing his guitar and strumming it even though he couldn't hold the neck or make chords. Just the same sound over and over.

Okay, so I'm wading in the pity pool with him. Yes, he's so lucky it was his left hand. There are a lot of "lucky" things about it all. It's not a brain injury, it's not cancer, I was off work for the summer, his brothers were with him, we have health insurance, etc. etc. etc.... the "Lucky List" is never ending.

Somehow, thinking of how it could have been worse doesn't really help. I have no doubt that he will learn from this, that he will grow and be a better person. I know that God uses difficult times to strengthen us for what's to come. Now that helps.

Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

It was Saturday evening and Rob had just picked up his daughter after track practice. He headed for home but pulled into the gas station for a cup of coffee. Amanda questioned this since he didn’t usually drink coffee in the evening but he replied that he just felt the urge to stop. He paid for the steaming brew and overheard the clerk and another customer discussing the woman out there with the flat tire problem. He headed straight for her car as he exited, intending to help her change it.

The next morning I entered church and said “Hi” to Rob sitting on the back row. I found my way up to the front and wondered why he wasn’t sitting with his family when I noticed that they were in their usual spot.

The service began with a loud, upbeat praise song. The amplified guitar sounded extremely loud and the drummer seemed to be trying to drown out the guitar. Did anyone else notice how loud and irritating it was?

My right ear was throbbing when I realized it must be sensitive from the cold I was getting over. I literally couldn’t take it. It hurt! I felt kinda rude standing there with my hand over my ear so I slipped out of the row and took a seat at the back right next to Rob. Ah, that was better.

Suddenly the older woman sitting on the other side of Rob began to cough. Rob handed her a Kleenex from his back pocket and then slipped out of the sanctuary. She continued to cough. I dug in my purse and handed her a handful of cough drops and she received them gratefully. She popped one in her mouth and it seemed to give her some relief. Rob returned a few minutes later with a bottle of water for her.

I was pondering the possibility that my ear problem was a God-thing to get me to the back of the church with my cough drops. I didn’t realize that Rob was an even bigger part of God’s little plan for this woman. I thought she might be his mom but I learned the real story later.

The woman had been traveling in an old beat up vehicle, escaping a domestic abuse situation and on her way to Texas. She had a flat tire and exited right here in our town and found her way to the gas station where Rob had stopped for his coffee. She didn’t have a spare tire. Rob called around and there was nowhere open that had what she needed. He ended up putting her up in a local motel, inviting her to church with him, buying her lunch and a new tire and sending her on her way.

I can’t help but think how God’ timing is so perfect. There were so many things that fell into place. She seemed so full of joy and gratitude when I met her. That’s what hope looks like.

Just another small miracle brought to you by God (with a little help from his servant, Rob).

The month of March was the third warmest on record here in Missouri. They told us that it wasn’t going to last but I had been lulled into the hope of an early spring.

I watched as the peach trees bloomed. I planted the cold-hardy veggies, and sneaked in a few of the later ones, too. The cherry tree burst into bloom followed by the pears. I was harvesting asparagus…in March! My water lily leafed out and floated gracefully over the heads of my fish and some tadpoles that have hatched out. Even the lilac began to bloom!

Then it happened. Not just a frost but a hard freeze! Predictions of lows down in the 20°s were realized. …And there was nothing I could do but watch.

I drove off to work and noticed all the tulip heads hanging. They looked as if they were deeply saddened. They seemed to be praying, every head bowed. The timing was perfect (as God’s timing always is). Holy Week.

Those flowers reminded me how only a few days earlier they had been beautiful and proud, rejoicing in the light and warmth of the sun… just like the people had on Palm Sunday so many years ago. I wonder what the disciples must have been thinking…”Ah, at last! He is getting the recognition and priase he deserves!”.

Jesus warned them repeatedly that he would die, that they would fail him. They just didn’t get it. My brain knew that the cold weather surely couldn’t be over yet… but I wanted it so badly. Then the cold streak hit and it has taken its toll.

The tulips bend almost to the ground in their sorrow. The disciples must have hung their heads like that in their shame. They surely all wanted had thoughts of their failure. They may have even wanted to kill themselves just as Judas did.

In the afternoon on my way home from work, SURPRISE, the tulips had raised their heads again. The sun had come out and got their juices flowing! They were not standing so tall and proud now… just a little bent. The Son came back to the disciples, too. He gave them hope again. They finally got it. They went on, humbled now, understanding what true sacrifice is. Understanding what Grace is. They had hope and humility and faith. They did go on living and spreading the Good News.

We are forgiven. We can start over again knowing that. We can raise our heads again. Jesus is here with us! We can keep on going in hope and in serivtude and in joy! Happy Easter to all of you, my friends.

Snow tubing on the ski slopes... I loved it! We had a group of 17, no only 16 since we left Weiner in the Infirmary at the base of the mountain waiting for the Dr. to look at his brand new x-rays (broken ankle & knee).

The sky was darkening as we rode the Gondola to the top of the mountain. They told us the rules and sent us out to play. We could go down singly or in group. They'd spin you if you wanted to be spun, which I did, of course!

I slid down by myself, with Angus, with our whole group and even with a slope record-breaking group of 29. We could only get 28 people to grab on so one of the workers grabbed a tube, hooked on and shoved us off. I think he had more fun than any of us! I was near the back and could hear him laughing all the way down the hill.

My favorite slide was when I got to the top of the hill and all the women & girls in our group were waiting for me to grab on. There was five of us and they spun us and we screamed all the way down as if on a snowy rollercoaster. The silly screaming in the cold air made it all the more fun. What a release! Everyone was laughing, including all who watched. Ah, good times.

The best part of the evening though was not the exhilarating slides down the slopes but when they hooked my tubes on the pulley and I was slowly, gently pulled up the hill with a beautiful view of the snowy mountains beyond our hill. I was awestruck the first time. I felt so close to God and happiness. I used the minutes to reflect on the day, on life. I used the time to pray my gratefulness for all God has given and asking him to show me the ways I can return the favor... by showing me what I can do for him.

Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good;
his love is eternal.
Give thanks to the greatest of all gods;
his love is eternal.
Give thanks to the mightiest of all lords;
his love is eternal.
He alone performs great miracles;
his love is eternal.
By his wisdom he made the heavens;
his love is eternal.
He built the earth on the deep waters;
his love is eternal.
He made the sun and the moon;
his love is eternal.
The sun to rule over the day;
his love is eternal.
The moon and stars to rule over night;
his love is eternal.
~Psalm 136:1-9

Yesterday I noticed seven God moments. That both pleases me and shames me. My goal is to one day see my whole day filled with them! Finding four God moments was my previous "record" so you see why seven feels good and why I am eager to notice more of them.

My Definition of a God Moment and Why I Want More:

I'll begin by mentioning one of my most amazing God moments. I was driving one night on the hilly road that leads to our home. It's a dark wooded area with no houses, just trees lining both sides of the road. I don't remember what I was thinking about but whatever it vanished the second I topped the hill.

There before me at the top of the next hill was a gigantic full moon right smack in the middle of the horizon. It looked as if the trees had parted for it like the red sea for Moses. The road was leading right to this gorgeous moon and I was driving toward it! It was slightly eery, totally amazing and filled me with wonder at the joy and beauty before me.

I actually stopped the car in the middle of the hill to take it all in. I knew, like all God moments, that it would be fleeting. I drove on home, grabbed my camera and went back but everything had already changed. A cloud had partially overtaken the moon and it was higher in the sky already, not lifting up from the earth itself any longer as it had appeared only minutes earlier. It doesnt really matter because, I still have that picture in my memory. That was a wonderful God moment.

They are all wonderful and usually much more simple. A God moment is a snapshot in time when I notice the presence of God.

I am trying to get closer to God this year. I've been through a small group study called "God is Closer Than You Think" based on the book of the same name by Jonn Ortberg. I've read the book Does God Believe In You? by Keith R. Anderson and it is right at the top of my favorite reading and rereading right along with an old favorite Attitudes of Gratitude by M.J. Ryan. Everything I read and learn and feel tells me that God is right here with us every single minute of life... if only we would notice. If we feel far from God it is not because God has moved away from us. He is calling our names but we aren't listening. We aren't paying attention! I know this is true and I am working on being a better listener.

Recognizing my God moments is part of my exercise to get my heart muscle in the right place to see God's presence everywhere. When I look back on my day I often see that there were many, many times when God was revealing himself but I missed them. ...The hugs from the kids at school, a shared moment with a friend, a compassionate prayer by a Jr. High kid at Bible Study, Beau singing so loud to the radio in his room that it can be heard clear out in the kitchen. I was too caught up in the busyness of my day and my own thoughts to recognize it as a God moment!

So, I'm working on that. I want to recognize God everywhere I look. I know he is there trying to get my attention in his own subtle ways. Will I ever pay attention?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 Kings 19:11 &12
Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

I was driving to work on only four and a half hours of sleep. I'd been off for 2 weeks for the holidays and was having trouble adjusting back to the "go to bed early & wake up early" routine. I'd been allowing myself to wake up naturally and it felt so good! But yesterday it was back to rising before the sun and dressing in the dark while my husband who works nights still slept. I'd stayed up way too late the night before and knew I would pay the price for that as the day wore on. But it was the beginning of a new year and it felt good to be looking at the future.

My 15 minute morning drive along the back roads is always a spiritual, praying, thinking and readying time for me. The low light of dawn is conducive to peaceful and rejuvenating thought. I needed that as I headed back to work (and the "real" world) .

I had just rounded a bend when I suddenly saw the full moon low in the darkened, tri-colored sky. There was a brilliant star low beside it and it shown so brightly that it looked a promise. The Morning Star. It looked like a beautiful, surreal watercolor painting. The colorful sky, the full moon, the brilliant morning star and the perfect timing & feeling of heading into a brand new year... it lifted me to a place of hope.

Okay, so I know that the star was really a planet, probably Venus, but that does not take away my joy of that very moment. I have never seen anything like that before and I will take that image with me and remember it. I will pull that painting from my brain it will remind me of the feelings I had. Brains and memories are good for that. I'll think of this new year and of hope and that God gives us a renewed strength when we need a fresh start. It always amazes me that God gives us just what we need when we need it. He knows before we ask and it is just there waiting for us to notice.

I wonder how many times I don't.