Two weeks ago tomorrow the most horrible tragedy occurred. Our closest friends' 22 year old son was killed. Their only son. Their beloved, full-of-joy, so-much-potential son. My four sons' "other brother".

Grief is mostly unfamiliar to me so as I watched that awful day unfold I was totally awed by, well, everything. I hugged them both at once as they cried those raw words into my ears, the words I hear over and over again with the same agony and despair "I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do." I didn't either. Helpless.

There were many other things wept out that day with the same anguish as they tried to grasp, to understand. In the history of me it was the worst day, the worst week, of my life... and he wasn't even my son. How does one go on from that? How do you be a friend through that?

But, oh, there was so much good as well. People came. Some jumped into their cars as soon as they heard. Others brought food. People answered phones. Made lists. Made plans. The house was filled with love and respect. And, while I was there the whole day I did nothing but stay by El's side. I would move away when someone new came in to give her love but would move back as soon as they moved on. She needed touch. She needed love. But I felt useless. She needed something none of us could give her.

It haunts me. Sleep eludes. Work is meaningless. People around me don't "get it". My God and music have gotten me through. It is amazing to me how healing music can be. As if, someone else out there understands what this family, this friendship, is going through.

I came across this beautiful song, lyrics below, sung by Greg Long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help Somebody Cry

Someone you care about has a broken heart
You want to be a friend but you don’t know where to start
There are no words to speak that could ever be enough
How can you show them your love?

Help somebody cry
Be there for the tears
God will use your life
To show them he is near
There’s no easy way
To make it feel alright
When you don’t have the answer to why
Help somebody cry

Time may heal the wound
But that doesn’t matter now
So lend a friend your faith
Walk them through the doubt

Help somebody cry
Be there for the tears
God will use your life
To show that he is near
There’s no easy way
To make it feel alright
When you don’t have the answer to why
Help somebody cry

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do
But hold somebody’s hand and pray them through
There are no words to speak
That can ever be enough
How can you show them your love?
Help somebody cry.

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Today is El's birthday. There will be no celebrating. If you pray, please do so for the family of Dane Nelson ~ his parents, sister & brother-in-law, his bride of 6 months, his friends, and his students. And realize how fragile life is and how quickly it can be snatched away. Go hug your loved ones right now.

Toby Mac has a new song out called "Made to Love". It is upbeat and catchy, not your typical love song sound but it hits on a simple truth that we don't often think about. We were made to love and be loved by God. That's it. It's so simple. If we could just keep our eyes upon Jesus and remember that we are made to love him then everything else would just fall into place. Afterall, the Great Commandment that Jesus himself gave us tells us to love God with everything we have. If we truly loved God wouldn't we also love our neighbor? We'd have to since that is what would please God. Wouldn't our pain diminish and our selfishness end if all our thoughts were to pleasing God because we just love him so darn much?

Made To Love
Toby Mac/From the album "Portable Sounds"

The dream is fading now I am staring at the door
I know it’s over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feeling what I see
It’s no mystery

What ever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget?

Chorus:
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And You said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You

The dreams alive with my eyes open wide
Back in the ring You got me swingin’ for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe?

I’m reaching’ out, reaching’ up, reaching’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And Daddy I’m on my way?

Chorus:
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And You said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You

Anything I would give up for You
Everything I give it all away

Thinking out loud about “Sweetly Broken“. I have been contemplating the phrase and what it means to me. Compared to many, I have led an easy life so far. Honestly, I don’t think there are many folks who reach my ripe age without having suffered greatly at some point. And yet, I never have. I’ve never been jilted, Never been ridiculed to the point of misery, Never been fired. Never survived a fire or flood or tornado or other catastrophe. Never been damaged by abuse or neglect, I have never suffered from a horrible illness or injury nor have any of my loved ones…and I have many loved ones. My loved ones are all alive and well. I’ve never walked through “the fire”… therefore I sometimes wonder if I will melt when the time comes. Or has God been preparing me all these years for the inevitable? Is he readying me? Growing me spiritually so that I will be able to endure? Or just survive? ...or flourish?

I teach Junior High kids about the Bible. I hold them through their losses and their teen agonies. They have acne and they aren’t skinny enough and they don’t make the team. Their grandparents die and their dogs get hit by cars and their parents divorce. I tell them God is with them always, God will never abandon them, God will get them through anything. I tell them to rely on him… to trust him. I tell them there is always good, somehow, someway in all things. When others abandon…there is always His love. God is there through it, right there with us. And they believe!

They are so innocent and hope filled and I am, too. A true child of God. Just like them, never really tested. And I don’t want to be tested. I’m afraid. Will I fail? Will I be the one who turns away from God when I need him most? Will I blame him when I hurt to the bone, or ache with loneliness or crumble with sorrow? Will I still love him? Is my faith deep enough, strong enough?

I want so much to feel him right next to me, to be close enough to feel his breath on me. I love him and trust him and know him to be true but I am not close enough to him and I know it. There is a yearning within me for God to hold me and show me the path he wants me to take. And I wonder if others feel this way. And I wonder if one has to be broken to ever feel really close to God. And I wonder if that is why I know that he is beside me, I believe he is with me… but I don't feel Him.

People who are “sweetly broken” have needed God so much, have been so hurt so beaten up and broken that they could not have survived without God’s healing touch. They feel God, don’t they? They know Jesus' suffering. They truly recognize it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you heard this amazing song, sung by Jeremy Riddle? The words are below but the melody and Jeremy’s voice are needed to really feel the pain and purity and hope within the song. I believe he means what he is singing.


Sweetly Broken
Jeremy Riddle ~ From the album Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look,
To the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

On it my Savior
Both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I’m
Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift,
Undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees,
And I am lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

At the cross You beckon me.
Draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I am
Sweetly broken,
Wholly surrendered
Broken For You