I woke this morning cold and aching. We’d turned the heat off after the beautiful warm Spring days we’d been having but it dropped into the 30°s last night. I tossed and turned all night, chilled under the light quilt covering me yet too tired to get up and dig a comforter out of the closet. The alarm rang and I crawled out of bed to run a tub of hot water to ease my stiff joints. Ahhhhh… that was so much better.

As I sipped my morning coffee in my favorite comfy chair my mind wondered to those people out there that can’t get out of bed and get a warmer blanket. They have no blanket and no bed, they sleep in doorways and alleys and parks.

I remembered how cold Bo had been after the track meet last night. It had rained and they were out in it for several hours. He made me feel how cold and wet his shirt and shoes were. He had been miserable but he came home and dried out and wore a different pair of shoes to school today. I thought of those who don’t have another pair of shoes when theirs get wet or worn out and have no home to go to when the weather gets bad.

And for just a minute I thought, “Well, those people chose that lifestyle.” But how did they choose it? Did they choose it by making bad choices? Did they choose it because they have no family to fall back on? Did they choose it because the rest of us snub them and they prefer to escape our mockery? What would it take for me or someone I love to get into that situation? Is there someone out there that loves them?

I recently read Under the Overpass, by Mike Yankoski, a Christian who lived as a homeless person for 5 months. He posed this question: “Is addiction a greater sin than not loving?” That question keeps coming back to me and I know the answer. The great commandment says to love God with everything you have and love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive‘.”

Acts 20:35

God, You have blessed me richly in many way. Help me to love other people more than I love my possessions or my own time. May I give of myself, in thanks to the one who gave himself for me. Amen

(prayer is from Words to Live by for Teens)

It has been the most beautiful Spring in memory. It came late, no false Spring this year to fool the daffodils, red buds and fruit trees into being nipped in the bud by frost. It went straight from winter to warm weather without those March and April cold and rain. Because Spring came late many flowers bloomed simultaneously. Everything came to full bloom starting witht the crocuses and daffodils followed by grape hyacinth, tulips, violets, peach, cherry and pear and Redbuds. The woods were full of Dutchman's Breeches, Jacob's Ladder and May Apples. Now it is the dogwoods, Sweet Williams which both make a beautiful contrast to the bright green seen everywhere right now. The Lily of the Valley are blooming, too, and they are so fragrant!

Even Beau came in one afternoon and mentioned how beautiful the flowers werer. Hey, when a 16 year old boy driving down the driveway notices the flowers it must be obvious. Even better he likes that we have been harvesting asparagus for a few weeks now...a favorite of all the boys, roasted in olive oil and sprinkled with parmesan cheese.

Thank you, Dearest Lord, for the beauty of the flowers and the colors of Spring. Thank you for the sounds of the Spring Peepers in the evening, the Whip Poor Wills in the dark, and the turkeys at dawn. And, Oh Lord, how beautiful it all smells as we wander through Spring. Thank you for making the beauty so wonderful that we just can't miss it! Now, dear Father, a little rain please....

The radio was broadcasting a story of a bear that went nuts and killed a little girl and maimed her mother and little brother. They announced that it happened in Tennessee in the Cherokee National Forest and I was suddenly listening. Two months ago I had never even heard of the Cherokee National Forest but right now I know it becasue that is where Beau and 19 other youth and 4 leaders are on a mission trip, working at the Cherokee Indian reservation in that same forest...only they are on the South Carolina side.

That's Beau on the far left with his arms folded.

Today is Easter and they are not working today. They went to church and spent the afternoon playing in a waterfall and hiking and celebrating life by enjoying God's world and their friendships and taking joy in the fact that they are saved because Jesus sacrificed himself for them and basking in the love of God for each of them.

I decided to try the kind of thoughtful, deep prayer suggested by our pastor to really meditate on a scripture. I was settled in a hot bath after a long week. It might seem weird to others but I consider it a rare opportunity for peace and solitude...relaxed and soaking in the quiet darkness. It seemed the perfect time for reflection of this kind. Choose a short scripture and read it with emphasis and thought on each word individually. Since I didn't have my Bible handy I chose the following scripture because it's short and meaningful and I had it memorized.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

~Phillipians 4:13 ... and a few of my thoughts.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can, not my neighbor or the guy at church with more money or the woman with more time...no, I can do all things with God's help and guidance...
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can do it, with God behind me how could I not? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Of course, I can.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can do it. Not think about it or plan to do it or pray about it but do it. An action, I can do it.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. All things, not just the easy things, not just the things that I can't persuade someone else to do, not just what I want to do but All the things that God asks of me I can do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I call do anything. I can do every thing. Whatever thing is asked, I can do it.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can only do it through God. Can't do it on my own. Let me be the conduit through which God travels to others. As my friend Tom Shinkle says when complimented on a sermon or an achievement "It's not me, it's God through me."

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Him. God. The One, The Almighty, The All Knowing, The All Powerful, The Everlasting.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. It's God. It's Jesus. It's the Holy Spirit.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. He knows what I need and He gives me what I need to fulfill his desire for me. He gives me what I need to endure and to help others get through. He gives me his strength!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Not some other guy. He's waiting for me to listen so he can send me to the task. He's waiting for me to step up.

Today is April Fool's Day but it was yesterday that I felt so foolish. I guess the story begins Thursday when I left my purse at the church after Bible Study. I did not discover it until I reached to grab it as I got out of the car at home. No worries. I had a Dr. Appointment in the morning and would drive right by church on the way anyway. It was barely an inconvenience.

I was running a bit late the next morning and was having to rush. As I drove to the church I suddenly realize that I was really bothered at the thought of this appointment with an Ophthalmologist. When I had my annual eye exam for new glasses the Dr. found a spot, a discoloration, on my retina. He wanted a specialist to check it out...just to make sure...probably nothing.

That was over two weeks ago and not being much of a worrier I had put it out of my mind. I had a lot more pressing things on my mind (my college sons enrolling for Fall semester, applying for Financial Aid and considering transferring). I had a lot more serious things to pray about (my mother-in-law with lung cancer & radiation & Chemo treatments, my father-in-law in the hospital with a failing heart & health). I had more pressing things to get done (the end of year duties on the job). I had more immediate concerns (would I get the Nursery mural finished before the visit by the Bishop?) I had more troubling things to work out (am I where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing?). I was too busy to worry about something that was probably nothing (planning for my 4-6th grade Sunday School class, my Wed. night Jr. High Bible Study class and my Sunday evening Sr. High Community Circle painting class and the Lenten Bible Study class I had committed to on Thursdays...and...)

But as I headed out for the appointment my brain started on those evil "what ifs". I thought about how much my eyesight means to me with my art and my reading. I started thinking about Murphy's Law. I started thinking how I take my eyesight for granted. I tried to push this all aside and give it to God but it kept coming back. Every song that came on the radio was about trusting God and how great is my God and I was needing to hear that.

I stopped at the church and ran in to grab my purse and ran into an acquaintance. She began telling me how great the mural I had painted on the Nursery wall was and would I consider doing it in her home...blah blah blah was what I was hearing. I apologized and told her I was really in a hurry, late for a Dr. appointment and went into the classroom for my purse. As I was leaving it occurred to me to ask her to pray for me. I stopped before I walked out and did just that. I began to cry as I told her what was going on. I felt stupid and foolish as I told her about it and that it was no big deal but it was just weighing on me for some reason. She was wonderful, even in my feeling stupidness. She said she would, of course, pray for me and even offered to drive me to the appointment, which I declined.

I prayed as I pulled out of the parking lot and knew that she was praying, too, and I was comforted and calm and all was well.

Now here is what I am thinking about the whole thing. I think that I was under stress that I didn't even realize because I am actually enjoying the busyness in my life right now. I love what is going on in my spiritual life and with the kids at church and I'm busy but don't feel overwhelmed and I am taking time to pray every day and get with God throughout the day better than usual. And I've lost a little weight with little effort and the weather is great and I'm getting outside a lot and, well, even with the failing health of loved ones (or perhaps because of it) I am recognizing the joy of life and the glory of God. I feel that life is good, in spite of, you know... life.

I thought I was taking care of my spiritual life as I spun all these plates in the air... but I prayed about what I should be praying about instead of looking into my heart to pray about what I needed to be praying about. Will I ever learn?

Thankfully God always knows just what I need so much better than I do. He must have seen my mini-crisis coming. I don't believe in coincidences. A purse left at church that had to be retrieved before I could go to my appointment. The songs on the radio. A friend in Christ in the exact right place to hook up with me at the exact moment I needed an ear ...she wasn't in the nursery or the rest room or the meeting room or the classroom or the office but right there in the hall as I came through.

God is good. All the time.

One filled with joy preaches without preaching.
~ Mother Theresa

Today is my 52nd birthday and, OH! How I wish... and hope... and pray that I can be that person.

I can't get that scene out of my mind. ...The one from "Grey's Anatomy" Sunday evening. I do that with movies a lot; there are scenes that I can't get out of my head and I analyze it and replay it until I can make sense of it. It's why I don't watch horror movies and it's why I don't watch "ER" anymore. When TV drama leaves one with a sick feeling then why watch it? I could even tell you the episode that caused me to stop watching "ER", that left me so disturbed, but that's another story and I am talking about "Grey's Anatomy" right now.

Here's what happened. There had been a horrible train wreck. Most of the victims had died in the crash and the hospital was all-hands-on-deck for all of the trauma victims being brought in with horrible injuries like amputations and burns. There was one pair, strangers until this incident, that had a long pole that had impaled them and pinned them close together , face to face. They were both conscious and in some discomfort but no pain (shock, our body's response to "This pain would be too much for you too endure."?)

The victims were joking with one another & the staff, trying to make the best of the situation, as their predicament was being evaluated ("does anyone have a breath mint? & "my wife would be jealous of me being this close to another woman but today I think I'll get a pass") The man's wife and the woman's fiance were on their way, flying in, but bad weather wa keeping them from arrival.

The surgical team examined their x-rays to see what kind of internal injuries there were and discovered that both were in deep trouble with sever internal injuries. If the pole were removed both would surely die, bleed out before the surgery team could even get them on the table. Someone suggested that if a person were removed form the pole, instead of vice versa, the other person would have a chance as they could then work on the one impaled person as they removed the pole...I guess. The woman's injuries were so severe, being to the heart, that it was belived there was no chance for her. There was a brief argument that her injuries, being more severe, should be the one saved, in the hopes that he might be able to survive the removal if they worked quickly enough. After discovering that she had no feeling in her toes that she was not goin to survive no matter what they did and that she should be the one removed. The surgical team went in to tell the patients the situation.

They were kind and caring and obviously saddened. Both patients were stunned. He was horrified and demanded that they take him instead, but the doctors explained that then they would lose them both. It was so unfair, he said. Oh, she was so brave! She said it would not be fair either way. She understood the situation. There was some more converstion...about what to tell her fiance. She asked Tom if he believed in heaven, by now she was leaning heavily on him, laying her head on his shoulder, and he said confidently "Yes". He asked if she did, she answered "I want to".

Snow was all over the Sunday evening weather forecast. Predictions of 6-8 inches or even more for our area were being made on every channel. It would begin Monday afternoon beginning with rain then sleet then the fast & furious arrival of wet snow, accumuating quickly.

There was excitement in the air Monday morning. We might be in for one crazy day, as only someone working in the business of education can understand. The wind was blowing like mad all day. At one point the gigantic pole vault pillow over at the football field was lofted into the air and over the fence. It blew across the road and into the front yard of the school. The first and second grad classes watched it fly and some were frightened there was a tornado coming. But there was no tornado, no snow either. Just a bit of sleet off and on. The kids' hopes for an early out were squelched but the predictions were still coming in from all media that we were in for a horrible snow storm...the time of which kept creeping slowly later and later.

We were sure to have a snow day on Tuesday and everyone really got their hopes up. It began to rain in the evening and then more sleet. But there was no early morning call from the phone tree telling us that school was off and there was were no school district names scrawling across the bottom of the TV programs. It all went North of us..except a pitiful inch or less. How disappointed we all were children and teachers alike. We have Spring Fever one and all!

So I drug myself downstairs after a quick glance out of the window to get my cup of coffee and get my mind right for the day ahead. It all seemed like a cruel joke. They had been so sure! There had been no waffling, no maybes, no "if"s. I was pouting, I think, as I dressed and heade out the door.

Well, it was pretty, I had to admit. What a first day of Spring this was. We had such gorgeous weather last week! The crocuses were blooming and the forsythias. Daffodils were close to blooming as well. Oh, how we all needed that sick day/snow day to help with our Spring Fever.

But as I drove up our gravel road, as happens to me so often, I began to notice the beauty all around me. Yes, it was a very small and shallow snow but it sure was a beauty. And it was obviously a Spring snow. The kind that is wet and sticks to every thing it comes in contact with. Every tree branch, tall weed, and even the barb wire of the fences were highlighted with the snow. It was pure contrast with the dark wet branches and roads and the clean white snow clinging to the edges of everything.

I thanked God for reminding me that in all disappointments there is something beautiful and good if we look for it. How much more lovely and satisfying to the eye was this snow than if the first day of Spring with a miserable cold rain. It could have been that! and the snow will give the flowers a drink just as readily.

The hail smashed into the windshield and then splattered into a blob of slush that the windshield wipers quickly whisked away. They clattered against the Jeep as we drove to church. Zeke let me out at the door as I pulled my raincoat close and grabbed my hat to keep it on my head in the wind and rain. An icey marble hit me right on the knuckle and it hurt!

I praised God for the much, much needed rain after the dryest February in recorded history of this area. I also thanked him for slipping in that, much needed before the deluge, day of warmth and sunshine yesterday. By the time we left church the rain seemed to be winding down.

We headed out to lunch with the family and then split up to our varied destinations after. Beau and I were headed to the local retirement home with the church Youth Group to play Bingo. It was raining again and as we drove back on from the city we heard the first tornado warning. It was for the county which we had just departed but Angus and Zeke were still there shopping for shoes.

I met up with Sheila at the church where the Youth were to gather. It was still early. The rain was pouring down and there was more hail. Tornado warnings were sprouting up all around us but we didn't know it. We just stood staring out the big window at the storm. It eventually subsided and we headed over to Westbrook.

There were a couple of kids there already waiting for us and Beau and Sheila's daughter Courntey with us so we decided to go ahead with the fun. Two more kids showed up a few minutes later. Not a great turn out but under the circumstances; not too bad.

The old folks were gathered in a room just having been dismissed from "taking cover" during the last T. warning. They were not being allowed to leave this room because they were to keep gathered in case there was another warning...another storm was predicted to pop up right behind the first. We quickly set up some tables as the folks watched us half-interested. I wished I was somewhere else...like at home by the fire.

I was the caller as the kids sat at the tables with everyone else and played, too. It was quiet at first but after the first "Bingo" everyone began to loosen up. We had brought silly prizes and found that, just like with the kids, candy is the favorite!

I accidentally popped open the Bingo ball cage from which I was pulling out the numbers. The little numbered balls bounced all over the floor and that got a pretty good laugh as I scrambled around after them. We played about 45 minutes and by the end everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including the teens that had shown up in spite of the storm! Most of the folks stopped to thank us as they headed off to their rooms and we cleaned up. The activities director thanked us as well, telling us how edgy the folks were about the storm and the possiblity of the tornado and how the Bingo had taken their mind off of their worries.

Sheila and I had almost canceled the trip when the storm was at its worst. It had seemed to be clearing off and we had been unaware of the Tornado Warning in our area, so, although delayed, we set out to see. God's timing is perfect and we got there just in time to do what was needed. We thought we were playing a silly game but in reality we were showing some worried people that there must be nothing to fear. God so often puts me in the right place at the right time!

Today was the year's first perfect early-Spring day. Part of the perfection was it's being a Saturday, a day for play-work instead of pay-work. I was up early and I could hear the birds singing and predicting the beauty of the day. I poured a cup of coffee and stepped outside. I was not disappointed..it was really here! Spring was in the air! I could feel it and smell it and hear it!

Angus fixed biscuits and gravy for the still morning-groggy boys while I made biscuits. He was anxious to get outside, too, and didn't even wait til breakfast was over. I saw him slip away and noticed him outside raking last autumn's leaves off of the back lawn. I cleaned up breakfact and wasn't far behind him. Cleaning out the shed was my goal but I soon found myself helping Angus with the leaves. I was annoyed with him for burning his pile of leaves instead of composting them and he suggested that I was welcome to come and take them wherever I wanted to. Beau helped me drag a tarp piled high with leaves up to the garden but I knew I wouldn't be able to make that trip many times. I took several more, smaller loads up the hill before I gave up and decided to just rake them into the creek. We finished the yard and were into the cleared part of the woods....the part that we mow once or twice a year to keep the underbrush from taking over. Angus wasn't even raking now just burning the leaves where they were. I was raking around all the trees as fast as I could before the tiny flames could singe them.

It was warm out but a gentle breeze was blowing enough to cool us a bit and keep the leaves burning. It felt good to work and be outside and to be with Angus and Beau. In my mind I could look at the blackened earth and see the grass that would grow from it with the rain that is expected tomorrow. I knew that as awful as it appeared right now in the weeks that followed the fire will have gotten rid of the dead leaves and brush and allowed for the rejuvenation of the grass that will be peaking through the ground in only a few days. I could imagine sitting on the back sipping my morning coffee and gazing into the cleared woods at the blankets of Sweet Williams, Wood Violets and the umbrellas of the May Apple leaves.

I thought how hard life seems sometimes and all looks so dark and dead and it looks as if there is no hope ahead. But, there is hope, even when it can't be seen... except in our imaginations or our dreams. And life begins to sprout some green again, soft and thin and weak at first but the love of our friends rains down on us and the love of our God shines down on us and soon we will grow stronger and thrive again and we know that there will be color in our lives again too.

I get philosophical when I work for fun and joy, using muscles that have grown winter soft and standing in soft smoke that twists up into the sky.... The first perfect Spring day of the year.