I woke this morning cold and aching. We’d turned the heat off after the beautiful warm Spring days we’d been having but it dropped into the 30°s last night. I tossed and turned all night, chilled under the light quilt covering me yet too tired to get up and dig a comforter out of the closet. The alarm rang and I crawled out of bed to run a tub of hot water to ease my stiff joints. Ahhhhh… that was so much better.

As I sipped my morning coffee in my favorite comfy chair my mind wondered to those people out there that can’t get out of bed and get a warmer blanket. They have no blanket and no bed, they sleep in doorways and alleys and parks.

I remembered how cold Bo had been after the track meet last night. It had rained and they were out in it for several hours. He made me feel how cold and wet his shirt and shoes were. He had been miserable but he came home and dried out and wore a different pair of shoes to school today. I thought of those who don’t have another pair of shoes when theirs get wet or worn out and have no home to go to when the weather gets bad.

And for just a minute I thought, “Well, those people chose that lifestyle.” But how did they choose it? Did they choose it by making bad choices? Did they choose it because they have no family to fall back on? Did they choose it because the rest of us snub them and they prefer to escape our mockery? What would it take for me or someone I love to get into that situation? Is there someone out there that loves them?

I recently read Under the Overpass, by Mike Yankoski, a Christian who lived as a homeless person for 5 months. He posed this question: “Is addiction a greater sin than not loving?” That question keeps coming back to me and I know the answer. The great commandment says to love God with everything you have and love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive‘.”

Acts 20:35

God, You have blessed me richly in many way. Help me to love other people more than I love my possessions or my own time. May I give of myself, in thanks to the one who gave himself for me. Amen

(prayer is from Words to Live by for Teens)

It has been the most beautiful Spring in memory. It came late, no false Spring this year to fool the daffodils, red buds and fruit trees into being nipped in the bud by frost. It went straight from winter to warm weather without those March and April cold and rain. Because Spring came late many flowers bloomed simultaneously. Everything came to full bloom starting witht the crocuses and daffodils followed by grape hyacinth, tulips, violets, peach, cherry and pear and Redbuds. The woods were full of Dutchman's Breeches, Jacob's Ladder and May Apples. Now it is the dogwoods, Sweet Williams which both make a beautiful contrast to the bright green seen everywhere right now. The Lily of the Valley are blooming, too, and they are so fragrant!

Even Beau came in one afternoon and mentioned how beautiful the flowers werer. Hey, when a 16 year old boy driving down the driveway notices the flowers it must be obvious. Even better he likes that we have been harvesting asparagus for a few weeks now...a favorite of all the boys, roasted in olive oil and sprinkled with parmesan cheese.

Thank you, Dearest Lord, for the beauty of the flowers and the colors of Spring. Thank you for the sounds of the Spring Peepers in the evening, the Whip Poor Wills in the dark, and the turkeys at dawn. And, Oh Lord, how beautiful it all smells as we wander through Spring. Thank you for making the beauty so wonderful that we just can't miss it! Now, dear Father, a little rain please....

The radio was broadcasting a story of a bear that went nuts and killed a little girl and maimed her mother and little brother. They announced that it happened in Tennessee in the Cherokee National Forest and I was suddenly listening. Two months ago I had never even heard of the Cherokee National Forest but right now I know it becasue that is where Beau and 19 other youth and 4 leaders are on a mission trip, working at the Cherokee Indian reservation in that same forest...only they are on the South Carolina side.

That's Beau on the far left with his arms folded.

Today is Easter and they are not working today. They went to church and spent the afternoon playing in a waterfall and hiking and celebrating life by enjoying God's world and their friendships and taking joy in the fact that they are saved because Jesus sacrificed himself for them and basking in the love of God for each of them.

I decided to try the kind of thoughtful, deep prayer suggested by our pastor to really meditate on a scripture. I was settled in a hot bath after a long week. It might seem weird to others but I consider it a rare opportunity for peace and solitude...relaxed and soaking in the quiet darkness. It seemed the perfect time for reflection of this kind. Choose a short scripture and read it with emphasis and thought on each word individually. Since I didn't have my Bible handy I chose the following scripture because it's short and meaningful and I had it memorized.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

~Phillipians 4:13 ... and a few of my thoughts.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can, not my neighbor or the guy at church with more money or the woman with more time...no, I can do all things with God's help and guidance...
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can do it, with God behind me how could I not? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Of course, I can.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can do it. Not think about it or plan to do it or pray about it but do it. An action, I can do it.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. All things, not just the easy things, not just the things that I can't persuade someone else to do, not just what I want to do but All the things that God asks of me I can do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I call do anything. I can do every thing. Whatever thing is asked, I can do it.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I can only do it through God. Can't do it on my own. Let me be the conduit through which God travels to others. As my friend Tom Shinkle says when complimented on a sermon or an achievement "It's not me, it's God through me."

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Him. God. The One, The Almighty, The All Knowing, The All Powerful, The Everlasting.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. It's God. It's Jesus. It's the Holy Spirit.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. He knows what I need and He gives me what I need to fulfill his desire for me. He gives me what I need to endure and to help others get through. He gives me his strength!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Not some other guy. He's waiting for me to listen so he can send me to the task. He's waiting for me to step up.

Today is April Fool's Day but it was yesterday that I felt so foolish. I guess the story begins Thursday when I left my purse at the church after Bible Study. I did not discover it until I reached to grab it as I got out of the car at home. No worries. I had a Dr. Appointment in the morning and would drive right by church on the way anyway. It was barely an inconvenience.

I was running a bit late the next morning and was having to rush. As I drove to the church I suddenly realize that I was really bothered at the thought of this appointment with an Ophthalmologist. When I had my annual eye exam for new glasses the Dr. found a spot, a discoloration, on my retina. He wanted a specialist to check it out...just to make sure...probably nothing.

That was over two weeks ago and not being much of a worrier I had put it out of my mind. I had a lot more pressing things on my mind (my college sons enrolling for Fall semester, applying for Financial Aid and considering transferring). I had a lot more serious things to pray about (my mother-in-law with lung cancer & radiation & Chemo treatments, my father-in-law in the hospital with a failing heart & health). I had more pressing things to get done (the end of year duties on the job). I had more immediate concerns (would I get the Nursery mural finished before the visit by the Bishop?) I had more troubling things to work out (am I where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing?). I was too busy to worry about something that was probably nothing (planning for my 4-6th grade Sunday School class, my Wed. night Jr. High Bible Study class and my Sunday evening Sr. High Community Circle painting class and the Lenten Bible Study class I had committed to on Thursdays...and...)

But as I headed out for the appointment my brain started on those evil "what ifs". I thought about how much my eyesight means to me with my art and my reading. I started thinking about Murphy's Law. I started thinking how I take my eyesight for granted. I tried to push this all aside and give it to God but it kept coming back. Every song that came on the radio was about trusting God and how great is my God and I was needing to hear that.

I stopped at the church and ran in to grab my purse and ran into an acquaintance. She began telling me how great the mural I had painted on the Nursery wall was and would I consider doing it in her home...blah blah blah was what I was hearing. I apologized and told her I was really in a hurry, late for a Dr. appointment and went into the classroom for my purse. As I was leaving it occurred to me to ask her to pray for me. I stopped before I walked out and did just that. I began to cry as I told her what was going on. I felt stupid and foolish as I told her about it and that it was no big deal but it was just weighing on me for some reason. She was wonderful, even in my feeling stupidness. She said she would, of course, pray for me and even offered to drive me to the appointment, which I declined.

I prayed as I pulled out of the parking lot and knew that she was praying, too, and I was comforted and calm and all was well.

Now here is what I am thinking about the whole thing. I think that I was under stress that I didn't even realize because I am actually enjoying the busyness in my life right now. I love what is going on in my spiritual life and with the kids at church and I'm busy but don't feel overwhelmed and I am taking time to pray every day and get with God throughout the day better than usual. And I've lost a little weight with little effort and the weather is great and I'm getting outside a lot and, well, even with the failing health of loved ones (or perhaps because of it) I am recognizing the joy of life and the glory of God. I feel that life is good, in spite of, you know... life.

I thought I was taking care of my spiritual life as I spun all these plates in the air... but I prayed about what I should be praying about instead of looking into my heart to pray about what I needed to be praying about. Will I ever learn?

Thankfully God always knows just what I need so much better than I do. He must have seen my mini-crisis coming. I don't believe in coincidences. A purse left at church that had to be retrieved before I could go to my appointment. The songs on the radio. A friend in Christ in the exact right place to hook up with me at the exact moment I needed an ear ...she wasn't in the nursery or the rest room or the meeting room or the classroom or the office but right there in the hall as I came through.

God is good. All the time.