I expected to feel all goody- goody after my return from work with the hurricane relief down South but... well, there have been so many feelings, thoughts, ideas, prayers and images banging around in my brain! It's taking me awhile to process it all. Especially when I get back home and am expected to, you know, take up the same place where I left off before I went. I don't feel good either, nor bad... just different... challenged... changed.

I sent out an email to practically everyone I know letting them know about the great need for volunteers since it is clear that is the only way the non-business,

non-wealthy folks are going to get help. The responses I got were diasappointing and disheartening to me. I'm hating all this "Oh, you did such a great thing." "Oh, it's so wonderful that you gave up so much to go do that." "Oh, I want to do something like that but I just don't have time." It makes me want to sccreeeeaam! I do understand how they are feeling and know that they are sincere. It is exactly how I felt before when I would hear about other mission trips our church has organized. But I don't want kudos; I want other people to step up and pick up where we left off!

I didn't do a great thing, I didn't give up anything, it wasn't wonderful, you CAN do something like that, you DO have the time.... I want to say that but I don't. I've been in their shoes. Maybe by going myself I did plant a few seeds among my peers. They can do it, too. Afterall, Lou is the one that showed me that it can be done. She went to Nicaragua!

I do feel good that 2 of my sons gave up their time to come with us. They were both hard workers, and Casey's friend, Chris, was, too. It would have been a much less productive group without the 3 young men that followed me down there. I feel good about that. I worked hard, too. I can feel good about that as well. The folks whose homes we worked on were sincerely grateful that it was finally their turn. We did a good thing for them. There is no doubt of that.

We worked together so well! The combination of young people and adults, male and female was perfect. Among us were those with strength and the vitality, those with knowledge and skill and experience, those with enthusiasm and a willingness to do anything. There was kindness and an honest effort to value everyone; find a meaningful job for everyone that wasn't just busy-work. I feel good about the group. I made many new friends. I learned a lot, too.

There were no slackers among us. We saw the almost unfathomable amount of work that still needs to be done and we just wanted to work, work, work in the samll amount of time tha we would be there. We did all we could, more than most groups that go, but it didn't seem enough. We didn't go shopping or eat out or take in the scenery. We just worked.

It was a good trip. A good group. Good work was done. And yet...

The feelings are still bouncing around. I'm still working on them. I'm letting God work on me.