Debra and her three little children started coming to our church several years ago.  A young women of exotic beauty and charisma with a quick smile, she exuded joy and love.  She was new to this small town but easily got a job at a local daycare.  She quickly became involved in church activities, joined the praise band and became friends with the youth pastor.  It wasn't long before she met a sweet young man, a plumber named Filandro and started bringing him to church with her.  He was very shy but she brought such joy and hope to his life.  He began to open up and also become involved, in his humble, quiet way. 

She soon moved in with Filandro and he treated her children as his own.  When this happened it was a bit of an ethical problem for the youth pastor since Debra had become role model for the youth and was teaching a Bible study.

The father of her youngest child, a baby, started coming to our church, too.  Debra was unhappy about that, saying he wasn't a good father.  Then it wasn't long before we heard about the custody battle in Texas over her oldest child, the four-year-old.  Lena's father was making some terrible accusations about Debra and also claimed that she had taken her from the state illegally.  She claimed that she had done so in order to escape from his brutality.  There was a fundraiser for them arranged by our youth pastor, so that she could fly back for court, hire an attorney.  Two folks from church flew themselves down twice to give testimony on her behalf.  Filandro kept the kids each time.

Well, one day Debra took off.  Disappeared.  Took her kids and was gone.  Left Fil with  alot of debt and no word at all.  We'd all been duped.  A con artist.  She moved on.

A lot of people felt betrayed.  The worst of it all was poor heartbroken Fil.  He had truly loved her and her children had become like his own.  He had love and a family and it had been taken away from him in the crueliest of ways.

Fil withdrew into himself, coming to church less and less often.  He decided to move back to Oklahoma where he'd grown up, where his mom still lived.  We lost track of Fil after that.

Yesterday at church it was announced that Filandro had taken his own life.  I gasped out loud and tears instantly came.  I was sobbing silently most of the rest of the service.  Fil was the kind of man who would never be able to recover from such heartache without deep and dedicated love.  Had we done all we could for him?  Did we love him back to life again?  Did we abandon him after Debra left?  Did we call and check on him?  Did we even notice when he fell away?  Did we all dessert Filandro? Did I?

Ash Wednesday ~ A time to remember that we are ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  To remember our fraility and our sinfulness and the sacrifice that was made for us.

Lent ~ The 40 days when we intentionally remember the sacrifice Jesus made willingly (his very life) and the love with which it was given.  We might even make a small sacrifice (willingly, lovingly give up something precious to us) in order to get a better idea of the difficulty and the grace involved in Jesus' sacrifice.  

I am feeling closer to that Lenten meaning today better than I ever have before.  I knew Fil pretty well.  I knew his character and, if I'd have given it much thought, I'd have known that he was a truly broken man.  He was a tender soul.  I failed him.  We all did.  We all thought or hoped that someone else was taking care of him or didn't even notice.  There are no excuses. 

Sometimes I think we think "Oh, I'm a good person."  Honestly, I don't even give sin much thought.  My sins "aren't that bad".  But maybe the sins of not doing are the very worst kind.  We know better, but we are busy, tired or lazy.  Selfish.         But......

God loves me anyway.

Wow.     

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."