Thinking out loud about “Sweetly Broken“. I have been contemplating the phrase and what it means to me. Compared to many, I have led an easy life so far. Honestly, I don’t think there are many folks who reach my ripe age without having suffered greatly at some point. And yet, I never have. I’ve never been jilted, Never been ridiculed to the point of misery, Never been fired. Never survived a fire or flood or tornado or other catastrophe. Never been damaged by abuse or neglect, I have never suffered from a horrible illness or injury nor have any of my loved ones…and I have many loved ones. My loved ones are all alive and well. I’ve never walked through “the fire”… therefore I sometimes wonder if I will melt when the time comes. Or has God been preparing me all these years for the inevitable? Is he readying me? Growing me spiritually so that I will be able to endure? Or just survive? ...or flourish?
I teach Junior High kids about the Bible. I hold them through their losses and their teen agonies. They have acne and they aren’t skinny enough and they don’t make the team. Their grandparents die and their dogs get hit by cars and their parents divorce. I tell them God is with them always, God will never abandon them, God will get them through anything. I tell them to rely on him… to trust him. I tell them there is always good, somehow, someway in all things. When others abandon…there is always His love. God is there through it, right there with us. And they believe!
They are so innocent and hope filled and I am, too. A true child of God. Just like them, never really tested. And I don’t want to be tested. I’m afraid. Will I fail? Will I be the one who turns away from God when I need him most? Will I blame him when I hurt to the bone, or ache with loneliness or crumble with sorrow? Will I still love him? Is my faith deep enough, strong enough?
I want so much to feel him right next to me, to be close enough to feel his breath on me. I love him and trust him and know him to be true but I am not close enough to him and I know it. There is a yearning within me for God to hold me and show me the path he wants me to take. And I wonder if others feel this way. And I wonder if one has to be broken to ever feel really close to God. And I wonder if that is why I know that he is beside me, I believe he is with me… but I don't feel Him.
People who are “sweetly broken” have needed God so much, have been so hurt so beaten up and broken that they could not have survived without God’s healing touch. They feel God, don’t they? They know Jesus' suffering. They truly recognize it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you heard this amazing song, sung by Jeremy Riddle? The words are below but the melody and Jeremy’s voice are needed to really feel the pain and purity and hope within the song. I believe he means what he is singing.
Sweetly Broken
Jeremy Riddle ~ From the album Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look,
To the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
On it my Savior
Both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I’m
Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift,
Undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees,
And I am lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
At the cross You beckon me.
Draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I am
Sweetly broken,
Wholly surrendered
Broken For You
Friday, August 25, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
The cars and trucks roared by as we cautiously exited the Jeep. Angus had quickly pulled off onto the shoulder near the concrete barrier of the center lanes. There had been too much traffic to try to get clear over to the shoulder in the right lane when the tire blew. We’d been on our way to the North Shore of Minnesota and hadn’t even made it through Des Moines yet!
The flat tire was on the traffic side of the car. The heat off the highway in the near 100° heat, the power and nearness of the passing vehicles, the whoosh of the wind that they generated, all left me feeling a bit fearful and helpless. Angus was calm and quiet. He gets that way when things are beyond his control and he is just trying to control his emotions. I threw up a quick prayer for our safety and we got to work.
We began pulling all of our gear out of the Jeep. The jack stores under the back seat and the tire, above the wheel well so we unloaded coolers and sleeping bags and fishing gear onto the shoulder, shoving the bags and equipment around to get to the needed items.
Before Angus had even gotten the spare out of the back I noticed flashing lights and a police officer walking toward our disabled vehicle. Immediately flow of traffic moved out of the passing lane and away from us. I was so grateful to see him and I told him so! He was very young, still pimply faced behind his mirrored sunglasses. Vince went about changing the tire and I visited with the officer and mentioned how much safer it seemed now, with the cars slowing down and moving over. He explained that there’s a state law in Iowa that one must move over away from an emergency vehicle or there’s a violation with a $200 penalty! He said they enforce the law (allowing for vehicles that are unable to safely change lanes). He told me that people are ticked off to get a ticket for that but once they are in a situation where they are stranded along side the road they see the value in it.
Angus finished up quickly and the officer sent us off to a tire store that would he knew would be open, telling us it is where he buys his own tires. He wrote the directions out on the back of his card. We bungeed the now-ragged tire to the top of the car, thanked the policeman and headed out to replace the little spare donut tire. An hour and a half and a couple hundred bucks later we were on the road again.
Surprisingly, both of us were in a great mood. I kept thinking how it had been such absolute perfect timing when that police car pulled up behind us. I wondered how much trouble we’d have had had we been farther on into Iowa, way between little small towns when the tire blew. What would the odds have been that we could find any help or a tire store open out there on a sweltering Sunday afternoon? Would there have even been a town where we could stay the night, if needed? I just know that we felt grateful and hopeful and ready for a week of togetherness and we didn’t let that dampen our spirits. God was watching out for us even on the hot pavement of the highway.
I thanked God for watching out for us even on the hot pavement of the highway…and I sent a postcard from Minnesota to the Urbandale, Iowa Police Dept.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
This may be the most moving thing I have ever witnessed and it happened just an hour ago after Youth Bible Study at Wednesday Worship:
The last words of the praise song faded and Cathy, our Youth Pastor stepped in front of the group of about 40 Youth to introduce the speaker for the night. She explained how this young woman had come to her and requested a few minutes of time to speak to the group before she heads for college. We expected Jessica, the popular cheerleader, to stand and step forward. But it was Kayla who arose.
Kayla had always been somewhat of a misfit but was accepted and loved anyway... but was she really going to speak in front of everyone? She awkwardly held the mic to her mouth and announced that her freshman year had been the worst of her life. She had been teased and ridiculed mercilessly at school but had endured it. She and her younger brother had started coming to our youth program a year or so later and she told how she felt accepted here because people talked to her. I don’t remember anyone really ever taking much of an interest in Kayla but the kids were always kind. She stumbled as she spoke and repeated herself but it was heartfelt. She ended with the thought that her freshman year was an awful memory and she sure hoped that her freshman year of college was not a repeat of that.
I’m sure the kids were thinking that they could have done more than just talk to her, trying to remember if they even had talked to her. But I guess for a kid who is timid and weird and constantly ridiculed just finding a group who will chat and listen for a few minutes is appreciated in ways we can‘t imagine.
Cathy sat down beside Kayla and spoke to the gathered youth. She said that Kayla had wanted to tell them about the bullying that happens and how bad it feels and how important it is to not be thoughtless with our words, careless with our comments. For some people, the words and ways that kids talk to each other can cut deep. Most of the kids in the group wouldn’t tease or bully but they have all witnessed it.
A hand slowly went up at the back of the group and another of the graduating seniors stood. It was Andy. He was a popular young man with strong convictions and deep faith. A boy known for his integrity as well as for the fact that he had been Homecoming King. He, too, was heading for college soon. His eyes were glassy as he spoke softly. “When I was a Freshman, Kayla was in my Social Studies class and she really was made fun of a lot." His voice broke and he faltered but went on "I didn’t do anything about it” There were tears in his eyes. His voice trembled but he continued “Kayla, I’m truly sorry.” He sank back to the floor and wept softly in silent prayer.
We quietly gathered all the kids leaving for college into our middle and huddled around, Kayla and Andy arms around each other. All hands reaching in to touch the shoulders and heads and backs of these beloved friends who were moving on to the next phase of their lives. And we lifted them all in prayer recgonizing their beautiful potential, lives filled with hope and promise.
Andy’s pure and heartfelt confession in front of all his peers, his sincere repentance and Kayla’s perfect nonjudgmental acceptance of the love he offered is more than my weak words can describe. But know that all of us right there learned more than we had from a fifty Sunday sermons and righteous speeches.
Remorse, Strength, Repentance, Compassion, Confession, Love, Sin, Gratitude, Forgivenss, Joy, ...
How often have we known the right thing to do but stood paralyzed? Not participating in the wrong but not preventing it either? Not going to the aid of the victim or offering comfort? Do we even recognize our own participation in the evilness of it?
How many opportunities have we passed up to stand and make our sins right with those we've sinned against? I'm quite sure that Kayla never thought of Andy as being one of her oppressors...but he knew.
We know.
The last words of the praise song faded and Cathy, our Youth Pastor stepped in front of the group of about 40 Youth to introduce the speaker for the night. She explained how this young woman had come to her and requested a few minutes of time to speak to the group before she heads for college. We expected Jessica, the popular cheerleader, to stand and step forward. But it was Kayla who arose.
Kayla had always been somewhat of a misfit but was accepted and loved anyway... but was she really going to speak in front of everyone? She awkwardly held the mic to her mouth and announced that her freshman year had been the worst of her life. She had been teased and ridiculed mercilessly at school but had endured it. She and her younger brother had started coming to our youth program a year or so later and she told how she felt accepted here because people talked to her. I don’t remember anyone really ever taking much of an interest in Kayla but the kids were always kind. She stumbled as she spoke and repeated herself but it was heartfelt. She ended with the thought that her freshman year was an awful memory and she sure hoped that her freshman year of college was not a repeat of that.
I’m sure the kids were thinking that they could have done more than just talk to her, trying to remember if they even had talked to her. But I guess for a kid who is timid and weird and constantly ridiculed just finding a group who will chat and listen for a few minutes is appreciated in ways we can‘t imagine.
Cathy sat down beside Kayla and spoke to the gathered youth. She said that Kayla had wanted to tell them about the bullying that happens and how bad it feels and how important it is to not be thoughtless with our words, careless with our comments. For some people, the words and ways that kids talk to each other can cut deep. Most of the kids in the group wouldn’t tease or bully but they have all witnessed it.
A hand slowly went up at the back of the group and another of the graduating seniors stood. It was Andy. He was a popular young man with strong convictions and deep faith. A boy known for his integrity as well as for the fact that he had been Homecoming King. He, too, was heading for college soon. His eyes were glassy as he spoke softly. “When I was a Freshman, Kayla was in my Social Studies class and she really was made fun of a lot." His voice broke and he faltered but went on "I didn’t do anything about it” There were tears in his eyes. His voice trembled but he continued “Kayla, I’m truly sorry.” He sank back to the floor and wept softly in silent prayer.
We quietly gathered all the kids leaving for college into our middle and huddled around, Kayla and Andy arms around each other. All hands reaching in to touch the shoulders and heads and backs of these beloved friends who were moving on to the next phase of their lives. And we lifted them all in prayer recgonizing their beautiful potential, lives filled with hope and promise.
Andy’s pure and heartfelt confession in front of all his peers, his sincere repentance and Kayla’s perfect nonjudgmental acceptance of the love he offered is more than my weak words can describe. But know that all of us right there learned more than we had from a fifty Sunday sermons and righteous speeches.
Remorse, Strength, Repentance, Compassion, Confession, Love, Sin, Gratitude, Forgivenss, Joy, ...
How often have we known the right thing to do but stood paralyzed? Not participating in the wrong but not preventing it either? Not going to the aid of the victim or offering comfort? Do we even recognize our own participation in the evilness of it?
How many opportunities have we passed up to stand and make our sins right with those we've sinned against? I'm quite sure that Kayla never thought of Andy as being one of her oppressors...but he knew.
We know.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The grass is green this morning!
The hummingbird flits its zig-zag flight plan toward the red prism of sweet nectar. There is a heavy dew on the uneven, unmowed lawn. It glints in the low morning sun and frosts the scene outside my window.
Spider hangs there on its dew-heavy web, ever hopeful of a grasshopper breakfast. I'm drawn out the door. I want to hear the morning...and I am not disappointed.
The air is cool. When did I last feel the morning chill?
The birds lift their morning praise in the branches as the crickets harmonize. A dog barks the bass line in the distance and the hummingbird add the percussion of its beating wings.
The sparkling dew drops bead and drip from the petunias and zinnias applauding the chorus as the sun rises into the green leaves of the trees to conduct this orchestra.
Oh, yes, the grass is green this morning.
The hummingbird flits its zig-zag flight plan toward the red prism of sweet nectar. There is a heavy dew on the uneven, unmowed lawn. It glints in the low morning sun and frosts the scene outside my window.
Spider hangs there on its dew-heavy web, ever hopeful of a grasshopper breakfast. I'm drawn out the door. I want to hear the morning...and I am not disappointed.
The air is cool. When did I last feel the morning chill?
The birds lift their morning praise in the branches as the crickets harmonize. A dog barks the bass line in the distance and the hummingbird add the percussion of its beating wings.
The sparkling dew drops bead and drip from the petunias and zinnias applauding the chorus as the sun rises into the green leaves of the trees to conduct this orchestra.
Oh, yes, the grass is green this morning.
rain...Glorious Rain
would we appreciate it if it came
in weekly intervals of 1 inch
all through the growing season
just like the gardening books recommend?
rain...Glorious Rain!
Yes! Thunder, keep me awake all night long!
Yes! Drip & drizzle all over my freshly washed car!
Yes! Make mud in the path and puddles in the parking lot!
Rain...Glorious Rain!
Rain out the ball game
make soccer practice into a Slip 'n Slide!
Rain til the rock-hard earth with its spikey brown haircut
sighs and dissolves into a mooshy, squishy carpet
Rain til the tomatoes burst with joy
Who will complain?
rain, glorious rain...
would we appreciate it if it came
in weekly intervals of 1 inch
all through the growing season
just like the gardening books recommend?
rain...Glorious Rain!
Yes! Thunder, keep me awake all night long!
Yes! Drip & drizzle all over my freshly washed car!
Yes! Make mud in the path and puddles in the parking lot!
Rain...Glorious Rain!
Rain out the ball game
make soccer practice into a Slip 'n Slide!
Rain til the rock-hard earth with its spikey brown haircut
sighs and dissolves into a mooshy, squishy carpet
Rain til the tomatoes burst with joy
Who will complain?
rain, glorious rain...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Minnesota Vacation Pix
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