A slice of life on 10 acres in the woods. Thoughts on raising 4 sons, guiding 4 grandsons, keeping up a 35 year marriage, maintaining friendships, finding memories, and trying to follow God on the journey.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Thinking out loud about “Sweetly Broken“. I have been contemplating the phrase and what it means to me. Compared to many, I have led an easy life so far. Honestly, I don’t think there are many folks who reach my ripe age without having suffered greatly at some point. And yet, I never have. I’ve never been jilted, Never been ridiculed to the point of misery, Never been fired. Never survived a fire or flood or tornado or other catastrophe. Never been damaged by abuse or neglect, I have never suffered from a horrible illness or injury nor have any of my loved ones…and I have many loved ones. My loved ones are all alive and well. I’ve never walked through “the fire”… therefore I sometimes wonder if I will melt when the time comes. Or has God been preparing me all these years for the inevitable? Is he readying me? Growing me spiritually so that I will be able to endure? Or just survive? ...or flourish?

I teach Junior High kids about the Bible. I hold them through their losses and their teen agonies. They have acne and they aren’t skinny enough and they don’t make the team. Their grandparents die and their dogs get hit by cars and their parents divorce. I tell them God is with them always, God will never abandon them, God will get them through anything. I tell them to rely on him… to trust him. I tell them there is always good, somehow, someway in all things. When others abandon…there is always His love. God is there through it, right there with us. And they believe!

They are so innocent and hope filled and I am, too. A true child of God. Just like them, never really tested. And I don’t want to be tested. I’m afraid. Will I fail? Will I be the one who turns away from God when I need him most? Will I blame him when I hurt to the bone, or ache with loneliness or crumble with sorrow? Will I still love him? Is my faith deep enough, strong enough?

I want so much to feel him right next to me, to be close enough to feel his breath on me. I love him and trust him and know him to be true but I am not close enough to him and I know it. There is a yearning within me for God to hold me and show me the path he wants me to take. And I wonder if others feel this way. And I wonder if one has to be broken to ever feel really close to God. And I wonder if that is why I know that he is beside me, I believe he is with me… but I don't feel Him.

People who are “sweetly broken” have needed God so much, have been so hurt so beaten up and broken that they could not have survived without God’s healing touch. They feel God, don’t they? They know Jesus' suffering. They truly recognize it.

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Have you heard this amazing song, sung by Jeremy Riddle? The words are below but the melody and Jeremy’s voice are needed to really feel the pain and purity and hope within the song. I believe he means what he is singing.


Sweetly Broken
Jeremy Riddle ~ From the album Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look,
To the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

On it my Savior
Both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I’m
Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift,
Undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees,
And I am lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

At the cross You beckon me.
Draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I am
Sweetly broken,
Wholly surrendered
Broken For You

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